FilmDrunk

Mega Gallery: The Least Intimidating Pictures of Ice Cube

The news that Ice Cube would soon be appearing in 21 Jump Street alongside Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum has sparked renewed interest in the man’s singular legacy, inspiring me to create this slide show.  Before we start, I want to let you know that I’m not here to throw around words like “sellout”.  That’s an easy accusation to make when you’re poor, and real talk, I would eat a cat turd for ten dollars.  Not that money is its own excuse, because hey, child pornographers make money too, and they don’t get to use the “don’t hate the playa” defense.

Point is, I’m not here to judge. Everyone does embarrassing things for money from time to time.  Heck, I write a blog.  I’m just fascinated by the evolution of Ice Cube’s public image.  To paraphrase my hetero life partner, Burnsy, “20 years ago I would’ve pissed my pants if Ice Cube made eye contact with me, and now I want to put my ice cream cone on his head.”

But first, let’s take a moment to remember how scary Ice Cube used to be.  If the old Ice Cube is reading this, please don’t kill me.

It’s music glorifying gun violence, aaaaahhhhh, call Tipper Gore!

Even when NWA was still wearing clocks around their necks and not holding up guns in their pictures, Ice Cube looked like the one most likely to kick your ass.

They’re all scowling and driving a classic car and their hairstyles are confusing to me! And what does that guy in the backseat have in his mouth?! EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS IS STRANGE AND FRIGHTENING TO MY CAUCASIAN BRAIN!

Consider this: even while eating a honeydew melon from a buffet table,  part of me still thinks Cube’s about to beat Ice T’s ass for sneaking up behind him and touching his neck parts like that.

Okay, enough scene setting, let’s get into it.

Are We Done Yet, 2007.  The mother of all embarrassing Ice Cube pictures.  Smiling, fishing, wearing a life jacket, riding a kayak, with a proudly exposed wedding ring.  He might as well be a pink kitten wearing a diaper.

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