Good news, everyone, Stretch Armstrong is back on!

Senior Editor
07.20.12 6 Comments

It seemed like not so long ago that Universal and Hasbro execs were riding high on a wave of cocaine as big as the Chrysler building, greenlighting movies based on as many board games as they could remember. Twilight‘s Taylor Lautner was going to bring all four quadrants together playing a movie version of Stretch Armstrong (“the only thing he can’t stretch is his acting ability!”). But then Abduction (starring Lautner) was kind of a bust, and so was Battleship (Hasbro board game), and Universal sobered up for a few minutes, and that was the end of Lautner as Armstrong. Lautner moved onto a parkour-based bike messenger movie, and the Stretch project (which I actually think is a better idea than Battleship, at least it has a character) has since moved to Relativity Media. Relativity just closed a deal with Breck Eisner to direct, and why not? The guy made Sahara.

Eisner, known for directing the remake of George A. Romero’s horror movie The Crazies, will helm the film, targeted for an April 11, 2014 release date, based on the script written by Dean Georgaris (Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life, The Manchurian Candidate).

This is a fantastic opportunity to create a world [in bed] that is both fresh and exhilarating [in bed] ,” said Eisner. “What really excites me [in bed] is the chance to build a hero from the ground up [in bed].”

“We were delighted by Breck and Dean’s innovative and creative concept for bringing this character to life [in bed]. Their unique vision for creating the mythology for this story [in bed] paired with their experience [in bed] gives us the confidence that they are the perfect team [in bed] to bring Stretch Armstrong to the big screen [in bed],” said Tooley, President, Relativity.

This original story will be a gritty actioner introducing the character of Lucas Armstrong and the life-or-death consequences he will face after undergoing a transformation granting him superhuman abilities [in bed]. [ComingSoon]

Well. Let me be the first to say… flurp? No word yet on who’ll play the title role, but I hear Boo Boo Stewart’s available.

"Don't fence me in, girl."

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