Senior Editor
10.21.08 33 Comments

Why yes, making this picture was a waste of time, thank you for noticing

Gwyneth Paltrow told the press recently that she’s taken it upon herself to console her fellow pretentious fake Brit Madonna after her break up with Guy Ritchie.

“She’s a very good friend. I’m supporting her in all the ways that I can. I’m just there for her. I speak to her a lot,” Paltrow said as she attended the premiere of her film “Two Lovers” at London’s Film Festival.
Like Madonna, Paltrow — who’s married to Coldplay singer Chris Martin — lives partly in London. [AP]

Paltrow added, “Cor blimey, Madge, oy wiz roight knackered ta hear aboutcha split wiff da mista. Oy wiz loike, ‘Oy, ah you takin da piss?’  But fock’n hell, oy knoiw what it’s loike whin a bloke leaves.  Feels loike ya fell doon a lift and got knobbed by a lorrie, innit?  Hahd ta cope whin everyfing goes pear shaped, ‘specially ahfter yous stahted out arse ova tits fer each ovvas.  But ‘ey, bish bash bosh, Bob’s your uncle, dis loife don git any easier, does it?  Just keep a stiff uppa lip an troy not ta let any bum fodder cockups burgle ya dosh, d’ya know what oy mean?”

Seconds later, a shirtless JASON STATHAM crashed through a plate glass window, punched the crap out of everyone, and did a million pull ups.

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