NO THANKS: An ‘Extended Edition’ Of The Hobbit Trilogy Is Heading To Theaters

As if nine hours of Lord of the Rings movies plus special features, plus nine more hours of Hobbit movies and God only knows how much more special footage wasn’t enough for you, a special “extended” version of The Hobbit trilogy is coming to theaters in October in advance of the third Hobbit coming to home video/DVD in November. All three Hobbit movies! Now even longer!

Fathom Events and Warner Bros. are partnering to present the extended editions of all three Hobbit movies. Shown over three nights, the epic Peter Jackson trilogy will be the first time the extended editions have ever been released in theatres. Also included will be an exclusive introduction by director Peter Jackson. First night showing starts Monday, Oct. 5, 2015, at 7:30 p.m. local. Tickets will be regular-admission price for each movie.

The information comes by way of FarandAwayEntertainment and Hobbit fan site TheOneRing, and at this point it’s unclear which theater chains will be playing the extended versions (beyond AMC, who already have it on the schedule for October 13), and whether they’ll be screening them all on the same night or spread out.

Either way, they should probably serve Prozac instead of popcorn because I can’t even fathom how depressed I would have to be to want to see not only Tolkien’s shortest book stretched into three tedious movies, but the extra-long versions of those tedious movies. “Ooh, here’s the scene where Peter Jackson butters his toast while thinking about writing The Hobbit!”

Here’s the running times for the extended versions, courtesy of /Film:

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey – 182 minutes (theatrical: 169 minutes)
The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug – 186 minutes (theatrical: 161 minutes)
The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies174 minutes (theatrical: 144 minutes)

MORE FEASTS! MORE INANE YABBERING! MORE POINTLESS SIDE QUESTS! Anyone who is interested in this is completely insane.