Hollywood loves sequels, refuses to admit it

Senior Editor
11.02.10 25 Comments

(Tom Cruise 124 floors up on the Burj Khalifa in Dubai, filming stunts for Mission Impossible IV. More pics at WWTDD)

The biggest projects in Hollywood are invariably sequels, usually sequels to movies that are themselves remakes of TV shows (see: Transformers 3, Mission Impossible 4…).  Hell, they’re so desperate for anything someone’s heard of that they optioned f*cking Family Circus, which is literally a joke I made two years ago as an example of the dumbest thing I could think of.  The funny part is how steadfastly they refuse to admit it, as if calling something “Money Never Sleeps” instead of “2” does anything but take up more space on the marquee.  Here’s Tony Scott on his plans for Top Gun 2:

“It’s not even a reinvention, it’s not even a sequel. It’s a re-thinking. What inspired me is that the world today is great, it’s so different from the world we touched originally. It’s really run by guys sitting in Nevada on computers playing war games.” [MTVMoviesBlog]

Oh yes, I remember when you touched the world.  The world was just chilling in the locker room in a towel, and Tom Cruise came up and he was all, “Hey, wanna play some beach volleyball?  I promise there won’t be any gays there.”

Speaking of Tom Cruise, (smooth as a baby’s ass, that transition) recent reports name him as the reason Mission Impossible IV is now called “Mission: Impossible Ghost Protocol.”  Jeez, get that title a colostomy bag, I think the colon’s in the wrong place:

The 48-year-old actor told reporters at a press conference in Dubai, where the fourth movie in the blockbuster series is being filmed, that he does not see it as a sequel and therefore doesn’t want the film to have a number in its title.
“I’ve never done sequels to films and I never thought of these films as sequels,” Cruise said. “I’ve always felt it should have a title.” [“And because of my faith, I wanted it to be something that sounded like an L. Ron Hubbard novel.” –Ed.] [CBC]

Look, guys, it doesn’t matter what you call it.  As my great uncle Charlie once said, calling a duck ‘Shirley’ does not keep it from quacking.  (Incidentally, Shirley was his wife’s name and put him in a home after he taped the duck’s bill shut, but that’s neither here nor there).

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