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(300 is Homophobic Turtle’s favorite movie, because all the guys are so tough and manly.)
A few days ago, Collider broke the news that The Fall director Tarsem Singh was attached to direct Gods of War, a film from the producers of 300 who planned to “use the stuff they learned on 300” to make another Greek epic about a war between the Gods and the humans.
Today, Variety reports that Warner has greenlit Clash of the Titans (which is also basically a Greek God-war story) with Incredible Hulk director Louis Leterrier attached.
But wait, there’s more! The same producers who discussed Gods of War also report that they’re working on a prequel or sequel to 300. Hooray for originality! But on the plus side… It’s rainin’ men… in skirts! With washboard abs! Someone hold my ankles while I do these situps – it’s time to get sweaty! Toga! Toga! Toga!
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Due to make up/special effects budget cuts at Clash of the Titans, they were forced to cast Perez Hilton as Calibos.Likewise, they were forced to cast Paris Hilton as Medusa.
If they’re going to go with a sequel to 300, chronologically, historically, and sexually it would be fitting if they went with the title "Battle of Salamis"
Harry Hamlin was the original Perseus…who is he merried to again, Stoney?
Ugh-e+a
JHC – yes.
I am a HUGE mythology nerd, so I am really bonering out over the thought of Gods of War. Seriously guys, look at my hard-on. Fucking look at it!
Do girls with boys names count?
"…Greek epic about a war between the Gods and the humans."Um, well I don’t mean to sound like I know everything, but this is before they had guns, right? Yeah dude, without guns, the humans are fucked.
Seriously guys, look at my hard-on. Fucking look at it!Guy’cha! The sensors on Grethor can only zoom in so far, dHumu.
I couldn’t tell you how long I’d have to work out to look like the guys in 300.I can tell you that it would be longer than I’m willing to commit.
Yes Lord Humungous, we can all see that you are "bonering". Sigh.
Clash of the Titans is what Harry Hamlin calls it when his wife closes her mouth.
What about boys with girls names? I heard they kick a little ass.
OMFG, WOG!!!!!1111!!!111111111111111
Burnsy, stop fighting 2nd graders!
FYI, I’m
rockinfunkin’ out to James Brown right now. In case you weren’t sure what type of music you’re listening to, James tells you that it’s funky at least once in each verse.I think if you’re going to rip off a move about the Greeks, then you should at least make it about Romans.
Stone, are you gonna get in the hot tub? Will it make you wet?
I’d get behind Gods of War if it was reflective of the awesome video games with similar names. I’d also get behind it if it were a Phillipino he/she.
As a former war vet, I’d just like everyone to know that a waxed chest helps out immensely against gay enemies.
If any of you are into reading sci-fi stuff, I would suggest Dan Simmons’ "Ilium" and "Olympos" for a great literary mash-up of Greek mythology, Shakespeare, Proust, nan-technology, quantum teleportation, cloning, and beastiality.Okay, there’s no beastiality in it, but that’s only because Dan Simmons’ pussed’ out and didn’t take any of my suggestions about the centaur and Achilles wild night out.
Al-Awesome
Nah – it’s too hot in the hot tub. Burn myself! OOOWWW
Oh, Eddie – why hath thou forsaken us?
Were you in the ‘shit’? hahaha I kid, of course you were.
The only Greek movies I’m interested in are those college fuck fest videos from the internet.
Not you Stone…uhhh nevermind.Well well wellll
Seriously guys, look at my hard-on. Fucking look at it!Good, God fearing Christian man, that Lord H.Haha!
Warner has greenlit Clash of the Titans…Great, Verne Troyer as "Bubo."
You’ve been inhaling powdered sugar again, huh ‘chelle?
Enemy Leader: "Alright you guys, now if we peak over this ridge, we should be able to see the enemy…okay, now I want us all to fight them to- holy shit! Look at that dude’s obliques! Fucking-A, I mean, troops I’m not gay or anything, but…"
I always imagine Vern Troyer as Hermes.I don’t know why though. It’s just a thing with me.
Chodin – That was fucking hilarious.
Verne Troyer as the abbomination from god
Movies about Greek soldiers are inspiring because they never leave their buddies behind.
I got booted from the theater when I went to see 300. I kept yelling at the screen "FUCK OR FIGHT!"
Chodin: "Dad, it’s not what you think!? Me and my friends ‘lost’ our shirts and we had to put on these red capes with baby oil to stay warm!"
*Michelle looks up from giant mixing bowl covered in white powderWha? Hey check out that dudes abs. *Back into bowl
Movies about Greek soldiers are inspiring because they never leave their buddies behind.…or leave their buddy’s behind for that matter.
I feel that when I watch 300, I don’t have to explain my erection.
When I went to 300 I pulled the ol’ "popcorn bucket trick". Of course I was by myself, but goddamn is warm butter an amazing lubricant.
That dude’s ripped like a Ninja Fucking Turtle.
When we left the theater, 300 really made all my friends want to start working out. Me? I just wanted to find some babies and drop them off cliffs.
Chod, when executing the solo pop corn trick, you gotta watch out for the kernel in the pee hole. That’s how Orval Redenbacher died.
The banner pic reminds me of this video:[youtube.com] is pretty accurate to how I have sex. I headbutt the girl till she’s too scared to move, then take her from behind and make those exact same noises.
Look, they’re playing leapfrog.
FYI, the shift from James Brown to A Perfect Circle is more abrupt than you may think.
Something tells me these guys have new and improved ways of exploding fairies.
I invented leapfrog.true story.
During football practice, my coach yelled "GOD DAMNIT! PAUL YOU’RE AS SLOW AS TURTLES FUCKING!" I asked "Have you ever really fucked a turtle, Coach?" Then I was quickly sent to run around the football field the rest of the practice.