I Spit on These Trailers

Senior Editor
05.06.10 24 Comments

There are some new trailers going around, and I don’t want to make separate posts for all of them.  Deal with it.

I Spit on Your Grave
This remake of the 1978 b-movie of the same name will probably be really good, as it comes from the director of Mongolian Death Worm and Sasquatch Mountain (yes, both of those are actual movies, and the second one reminds me of the porno your mom did, Sasquatch Mountin’).  Anyway, this will be great if you like watching a chick get brutally beaten and raped and left for dead, only to come back and cut a guy’s wiener off with pruning shears.  Sounds delightful.

The American (after the jump)
From music video director Anton Corbijn, George Clooney plays an aging hitman who thinks he’s beyond redemption.  He’s sick of the business, but promises to do one last job before retirement, when suddenly a new woman enters his life and blah blah blah wank wank mouthfart.


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Eyeborgs
I actually posted this two years ago, but for some reason the videos got taken down.  Anyway, now it’s finally getting a DVD release, and since I see now reason to write something new, here’s what I first said about it:

Some choice lines from the trailer:

“Dude, they’re just cameras.”
“What if they’re not ‘just cameras’?  What if somebody puts a weapon?  Think about it!  Robot soldiers.  Infiltrating society.  It can do whatever. It. Wants.”

And then later:

“Pretty smart for a camera, don’t you think?”

What I want to see is the pitch meeting held in order to decide which object would go crazy and kill people.  Pigeons?  Hmm, interesting, but… too obvious.  Ceiling fans?  Hmm… Could be cool. Table it until next time.  Death Bed, The Bed That Eats People?  Great, but we already did it.  Hey I know, how about cameras?  F-CK YES!  That’s perfect!  They can… take your pictures… and… f-ckin kill you! Because… we’ll give them guns!  And they’ll have robot brains!  Oh man, is someone writing all this down?

Where did that camera learn to stab people?  He learned it from watching you, Danny Trejo.  He learned it from watching you.

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