It’s official: Tom Cruise to star in White Men Can’t Fatsuit

Senior Editor
06.10.10 13 Comments

Paramount has confirmed what we basically already knew, that they’re making a movie out of Tom Cruise’s Les Grossman character. My guess, he’ll co-star opposite Betty White and whatever next week’s number one trending topic on Twitter is.

Tom Cruise, along with Ben Stiller and Stuart Cornfeld of Red Hour Films will produce and have secured the life rights to Grossman.
Said Ben Stiller: “Les Grossman’s life story is an inspiring tale of the classic human struggle to achieve greatness against all odds. He has assured me he plans to quote, ‘F**king  kill the sh*t out of this movie and make Citizen f**king Kane look like a piece of crap home movie by the time we are done.’ I am honored to be working with him.”
Adam Goodman, Paramount Film Group President said, “Everything I learned in this business, I’ve learned from Les. I started out as his assistant, and from the first day he threw his desk at me when I got his lunch order wrong, I have loved him like a father.  I am forever grateful to Ben and Stuart Cornfeld and their ability to secure his highly-coveted life rights.” [From the press release]

HAHAHAHA (*armpit fart*).   Look, I never liked Tom Cruise’s Les Grossman character because, although it’s mildly funny, they took an interesting concept and turned it into a pandering, fat-guy dancing joke.  Hey, assh*les, one Kevin James is already too many.  My opinion aside, Tom Cruise likes it, and if Tom Cruise took up racquetball, Hollywood would be there to wash his sweat band.  (As long as there were no gays in there.)

RELATED ASYLUM POLL: Is Les Grossman Tom Cruise’s way back to the top of the box office?

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