Paunch Drunk Love

07.09.10 8 years ago 24 Comments

It’s indie-movie trailer day on FilmDrunk, and you know what that means: Broken people!  Finding love!  In the strangest of places!  After they’d all but given up!  First up:

Jack Goes Boating
Philip Seymour Hoffman’s directing debut is characterized mainly by Philip Seymour Hoffman and his dishwater dreadlocks.  At first he’s all mopey, like, “Ugh, I’m awkward, I can’t stop wearing this stupid hat.”   But then one day he meets a nice girl, Amy Ryan (Beadie from The Wire), and she’s all like, “Hey, check me out, I’m kinda pretty, but I have a tragic past.  You seem weird, wanna go boating?”  And then Semen Hoffmore’s all “Yay!  That sounds quirky!”  Then the hipster music plays and someone goes underwater for some reason.  Awkward whispering, falling in love!  People yelling, life is hard!  Hurrr, I went to NYU!

Welcome to the Rileys

James Gandolfini and Kristen Stewart both have tragic lives, so one day they were like, “Hey, we’re pretty far apart in age, wanna strike up an unconventional friendship?”  And James Gandolfini was like, “Sure!  Can I have a ridiculous accent?”  And Kristen Stewart was like, “Sure!  Can I be stripper and wear lots of eye makeup?”

MAH WAAHFE DEREN’T TALK NAH MERR.

SHRUG SHRUG LIP BITE MOPE.

Fin.

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