James Franco made a movie out of his General Hospital clips. In related news, a girl is selling jars of her farts on ebay.

I know many of you are probably tired of James Franco and his antics, but I can’t get enough of him unapologetically dicknosing his way through every artistic medium. His plan to dicknose art in every orifice continues with Francophrenia, which will play at the Rotterdam International Film Festival at the end of the month.

The feature, alternatively titled Don’t Kill Me, I Know Where the Baby Is, is described as a “humorous psycho-thriller.” Franco and co-director Ian Olds made it by writing a new script for existing footage shot by Franco on General Hospital, where the Oscar-nominated actor has a recurring role as an avant-guarde [sic] artist called Franco. Franchophrenia will screen in Rotterdam’s main Spectrum Section. [THR]

So basically, a fancy version of one of those editing projects where you take a thriller and cut it so it looks like a rom-com, or vice versa.

Meanwhile, Franco also recently sold his first novel, to go along with his short story collection, Palo Alto, which came out last year. The novel is called Actors Anonymous. Will it be a hyper-meta, semi-autobiographical meditation on self-reference, invoking relational aesthetics and an inclusion of the viewer in a Nicolas Bourriaudian examination of the nature of subjectivity? You bet your dicknose it will!

The novel is  said to be a fictionalized version of Mr. Franco’s experiences as an actor (and grad student?). It was acquired by Amazon’s fiction editor Ed Park from Mr. Franco’s agent, Richard Abate. [Observer]

Not to let reality get in the way of a good dicknose joke, but I had Ed Park as a professor at Columbia, and found him to be a smart, funny dude (I think something I wrote once had him considering sending me to the school psych, but that’s a story for another time). Likewise, I only heard one short story of Franco’s at a reading, but it was obnoxiously good, and I promise you that I really didn’t want it to be. Phew! Would you look at that, a bunch of names fell out of my ascot. I must not have fastened my monogrammed cravat tightly enough. Prep school mistake.

In related news, I think we may have found James Franco’s soul mate. There’s a girl on eBay who’s selling her own farts in a dainty jar.

I have been doing research on the best ways to fart in a container and have the smell be just as potent as a fresh fart. So not to give you all my details it starts in the tub. That way I am able to capture a fairly pure fart uncontaminated by atmospheric air. When you purchase the Fart In a Jar, I will also be sending a picture of myself!

Hmm, we’re going to have to get James Franco to work with her on that description. If we throw in some French and Latin, some references to obscure artists, and vague, mostly-meaningless polysyllabic prose, this could be a hit at the Museum of Invisible Art.