Prepare your anus for Juggalo Sci Fi

Senior Editor
09.09.10 33 Comments

UGO recently sat down for an interview with the leaders of the Insane Clown Posse, Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope, whom I’m half convinced are comedic geniuses.  If you’re wondering just what the Faygo the above video is, that’s Big Money Hustlas, the first (yes, there’s another) of Insane Clown Posse’s insane clown masterpieces.  They’re the some of the most surreal things I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen a woman pleasure herself with an elephant trunk while high on angel dust.  Yadda yadda yadda, a sequel is in the works. I hope Mama Gypsy’s out of prison by then so she can bring some space cakes.

UGO: So Big Money Rustlas is a prequel to Big Money Hustlas, it’s in the old west, what’s next? Do we got a prequel prequel or is it the future?

Violent J: The next idea is to do the fresh science fiction space movie. Yes, now we’re going into the future. Now we’re going to go into the [year] three thousand somethins.

Shaggy 2 Dope: Or it could be way way back in the day.  Star Wars.

UGO: A long long time ago with robots.

Violent J: Right, in a galaxy far far away, but we’re definitely going towards science fiction in the next one.

Big Money Martians?  Either way, I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that they still paint their faces in the future.  …And in the way back, for that matter.  In related news, Village Voice finally published their reporter’s first-hand account of the Gathering of the Juggalos, an idea that every writer had but few of us followed up on.  Some of the highlights:

RELATED ASYLUM POLL: Juggalos: Harmless marry makers or scourge on society?

There is the Freakshow Tent, where a Ms. Juggalette contestant will ejaculate on command (and win), Vanilla Ice will unleash “Ninja Rap” (his contribution to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II soundtrack) at around 4:30 in the morning, and one of the Half Pint Brawlers (a little person wrestler) will get a dollar bill stapled to his testicle.

There is the Jump-Off, the broadcast headquarters of Psychopathic house station WFukOffRadio (call letters WFKO), where a nude model will duct-tape a Juggalo to a stripper’s pole and then stuff an Ecstasy pill in his rectum. (Later, the Juggalo will suck tequila from a beer bong and vomit.) There is the Spazmatic Hangout, a dry saloon serving Faygo and the official Juggalo energy drink, ICP’s Spazmatic!™, which tastes like a melted freeze-pop mixed with cough syrup (text on the can: “Insane Clown Posse’s Frothy, Freaky, Frosty, Refreshing Energy Freshness Can of Shazam!”). At seven in the morning, watermelon-smashing comedian Gallagher will be found there nearly passed out, smoking a joint.

There is Lake Hepatitis, a murky, foam-green watering hole with no lifeguard, many topless Juggalettes, and a “SWIM AT YOUR OWN RISK” sign accompanied by a ghoulishly dying hand.

The last is the Drug Bridge, a footbridge where 10 to 20 dealers will spend nights milling around, advertising their wares with handmade signs or carnival-barker shouts (“Green crack, green crack, I’ve got the green crack!”).

[a contestant at the Juggalo karaoke contest sings] “I hear these voices talkin’, they won’t leave me alone/Tell me snatch up this bitch by her hair and drag her home/Over my shoulder in the back of a pick-up truck/Can’t wait to get her home and hold her/Bleed her/Then chop her up.” Two hype-men waggle their pointer fingers in the air while Andrew paces back and forth across the stage, grabbing at his crotch and frequently missing. He wins easily. Andrew is 12 years old.

“As people, I think we’re more laidback and rely on ourselves more,” says Frank when asked about how Juggalos are different from everybody else. “We’re not tied up in the drama of Wall Street.”

Wow.  I want to cook that last quote up with baking soda and smoke it like green crack.  “We ain’t tied up wit none a dat Wall Street drama, my ninja, we too busy goin’ to baby funerals WHOOP WHOOP.”

(Original Village Voice caption: “Coolio at the Gathering, showing off his misspelled ‘Jugalo’ tattoo.”)

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