Senior Editor
08.05.08 27 Comments

Question marks in the headline can mean only one thing: it’s time to prognosticate! If you came here for answers, you’re in the wrong place, bubba – answers don’t have question marks after them! Now, who wants to take a shot in the dark? Yee haw!

Today’s rumor comes from Dlisted via ContactMusic, which in turn cites the always accurate National Enquirer.  They say "Oscar bosses" are interested in Justin Timberlake to host the Academy Awards, taking over for Jon Stewart.  Timberlake recently hosted the ESPY Awards, which I don’t watch because the concept seems a little retarded – don’t sports already have awards?  Like championships and trophies and MVPs and Golden Gloves and shit?  But anyway, according to someone via an inside source filtered through a bystander or two – carry the numerator – Timberlake did a good job and was "naturally funny."

A source tells the National Enquirer, "Justin is more than a singer, he’s a song-and-dance man – and turned in a performance (at the ESPY Awards) any comedian would envy. Our first question was, ‘Can we get him?’  "Justin does it all, and knows how to work a star-studded audience." [Dlisted, ContactMusic]

Most of the Academy members are 800 years old, so I can see why they’d want a "song and dance man".  Maybe he could learn how to ride a unicycle and balance spinning plates on top of sticks, and then when people come up to accept their awards he could pretend to make them appear from behind their ear.  Ta da!  

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