Senior Editor
12.22.09 34 Comments

Oh man. After the jump, I’ve got the red-band trailer for Matthew Vaughn’s Kick-Ass, and I think I’m in love.  It features then 11-year-old Chloe Moretz as foul-mouthed Hit-Girl, who’s fond of using the F and C words.  Hey, I love the C word!  And 11-year-olds!

Kick-Ass tells the story of average teenager Dave Lizewski (Aaron Johnson), a comic-book fanboy who decides to become a real-life superhero. He chooses a new name — Kick-Ass — assembles a suit and mask to wear, and gets to work fighting crime. There’s only one problem: Kick-Ass has no superpowers. His life changes forever as he inspires a subculture of copy cats, is hunted by assorted  unpleasant characters, and meets up with the Red Mist (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) and a pair of crazed vigilantes, including an 11-year-old sword-wielding dynamo, Hit Girl (Chloe Moretz) and her father, Big Daddy (Nicolas Cage). [IGN]

It also features her shooting bad guys through another bad guy’s mouth, severed limbs, and instead of a sh-tty rap rock soundtrack, we get The Dickies covering the Banana Splits theme.  See?  This is what happens when you don’t let a studio f-ck up your idea.  Nic Cage’s forehead skin even seems like it’s loosening to near-normal levels.  It’s a Christmas miracle!

Here’s the YouTube version, which will probably get pulled fairly quickly.

Here’s the version that premiered on IGN — it has an age gate as required by the MPAA and these things never work right, but I used the address on my driver’s license and it seemed to work.

If all else fails, you can watch it over at Empire.

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