Senior Editor
02.18.09 26 Comments

“I’m not gay!  Jesus says nipples are a sin!

Kirk Cameron’s Fireproof banked heavily on the insane bible thumper demographic and was an enormous success ($500,000 budget, $34 million gross – suck on that, Hollywood Jews).  It recently hit DVD, and someone on the internets was kind enough to put together a compilation of all the best scenes (watch it after the jump).  At first it looks like Kirk Cameron’s gonna beat his wife, but it turns out he just kills his computer with a baseball bat because it got him addicted to porn.  But the creepiest stuff isn’t even the Jesus parts, it’s watching them rip off secular movies like Super Troopers.  They even have a wise cracking black guy!  I suppose the message is, it’s all fun and games until you’re burning in hell.

Also: Kirk Cameron is 38 and looks 12.  I want whatever anti-aging potion he’s taking.  What’s that you say?  It involves abstaining from porn and alcohol?  Hmm.  I’m gonna try bathing in the blood of virgins first, see if that works.

[Thanks to RoboPanda for the tip]

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