Fundamentalists seem to have conflicting feelings about Halloween – wanting to take credit for what they see as the Christmas Eve for All Saints’ Day, a religious holiday, while simultaneously distancing themselves from possible Satanism and the gays’ favorite holiday (not to mention open season for promiscuous fornicators in Sexy Anne Frank costumes or whatever). Luckily, they have Kirk Cameron, the man who saved Christmas from Muslim hackers and beat the porn out of his computer with a baseball bat, around to simplify things for them. Kirk, in a new interview with the Christian Post, says Christians shouldn’t shy away from Halloween, and in fact should all throw a big ass Halloween party because Halloween is a celebration of Christians’ defeat of death. And also… uh… Obama?
“When you go out on Halloween and see all people dressed in costumes and see someone in a great big bobble head Obama costume with great big ears and an Obama face, are they honoring him or poking fun?” Cameron asked.
Hmm, that depends, is the Obama head next to “yes we can” or is it next to a banana and the word “socialist?” That’s usually a good way to tell. Oh, I’m sorry, that was supposed to be a rhetorical question? Mi scuzi.
“They are poking fun at him,” the actor said.
Phew! For a second there I was worried all this burnt cork would go to waste.
“Early on, Christians would dress up in costumes as the devil, ghosts, goblins and witches precisely to make the point that those things were defeated and overthrown by the resurrected Jesus Christ,” Cameron continued. “The costumes poke fun at the fact that the devil and other evils were publicly humiliated by Christ at His resurrection. That’s what the Scriptures say, that He publicly humiliated the devil when He triumphed over power and principality and put them under his feet. Over time you get some pagans who want to go this is our day, high holy day of Satanic church, that this is all about death, but Christians have always known since the first century that death was defeated, that the grave was overwhelmed, that ghosts, goblins, devils are foolish has-beens who used to be in power but not anymore. That’s the perspective Christians should have.”
So if I’ve got this right, God kicked Satan out of Heaven, turned him into a snake, and forced him to live next to burning stones and a foul, sulfurous lake for all eternity, and we still have a holiday dedicated to mocking him with cruel costumes and laughing at his pathetic, irredeemable fate while we eat candy? I’ll admit I haven’t been to church in a while, but to hear Kirk Cameron tell it, Christians seem like terrible winners. Worse than Yankee fans, or USC.