Kristen Wiig juggles flaming cum or something

Senior Editor
05.06.10 33 Comments

Kristen Wiig occasionally gets a bad rap, because two of her main recurring SNL characters, the Target Lady and Gilly, are f*cking terrible.  But between her Bjork impression and her character in Knocked Up, I think she’s pretty damn funny. And besides, she has long, slender legs that I like to imagine she’d wrap around me if we, you know, did it.  Today’s news is that she bought the option on the 2007 dark-comic novel, Clown Girl, about a girl named Sniffles the Clown who tries to resist the lucrative clown-fetishist prostitution trade.  Deadline reports that she plans to write and star, and yes this sounds awesome.  Here’s the book description, via /Film:

Nita, otherwise known as Sniffles the Clown, is tying balloon animals for a horde of greedy, sticky children at a fair. Suffering what may be a cardiac event, she’s rushed to the hospital—after trying to get help from a clown fetishist, who simply drops his phone number on top of her prone form. Welcome to wacky, stressful Baloneytown, where clown prostitution, stoned dogs and fire juggling–cum–arson are the norm. Nita struggles to make enough money clowning to keep herself in oversized shoes and squirting daisies, while also saving for Clown College tuition for her boyfriend, handsome clown Rex Galore. But Rex is mostly MIA, and Nita’s longing for him settles on local cop Jerrod. While not much happens, the pace of the narrative is methamphetamine-frantic, as author Monica Drake drills down past the face paint and into Nita’s core, often using Nita’s relations with men as the bit.

…the Aristocrats!  Honestly, I had to read “fire-juggling cum arson” about five times before I realized it meant arson by way of fire juggling, and not a malicious, semen-induced inferno.  I mean, I’ve experienced a burning sensation when I pee before, but this is ridiculous!  (*bike horn*)

(*pie to the groin*)

I regret nothing.

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