Lars Von Trier Will Debut The Hardcore Version Of ‘Nymphomaniac’ At Cannes

Lars Von Trier’s Nymphomaniac has already been anything but boring, as it seems to have more rumors surrounding it than most comic book movies. The latest of such whisperings is that Nymphomaniac will mark the controversial director’s return to the Cannes Film Festival in 2014 after he was declared an official outcast and “persona non grata” in 2011 for his ridiculous Nazi ramblings during the presser for Melancholia.

Naturally, Von Trier wants to announce his return with a bang (or 10) so while the film, starring Charlotte Gainsbourg, Stellan Skarsgard, Shia Labeouf and Uma Thurman, will be generally softcore in nature for its theatrical debut, he’s bringing the really hard stuff to Cannes, according to the Norwegian site Montages, which made for some great Google translation quotes.

Today we can bring even a news about the movie. Sources we deem reliable claims that the film – which will be set up in theaters in Denmark and Norway, respectively, in December and January – in all probability not the legendary hardcore version with pornographic sex scenes, but a milder softcore version. Hardcore version reportedly now “saved” for next year’s Cannes festival.

Those who have looked forward to seeing auteur go totally crazy with graphic depictions of sex must smear themselves with a touch more patience, and it is not inconceivable that hardcore version ultimately be experienced on DVD and Blu-ray – and If necessary Cinematheque – for those who are unable to see it in Cannes (seen that this plan is followed by the manufacturers and the festival – it is not yet published, and a lot can still change). (Via Montages, H/T to indiewire)

There you have it, folks. If you want to see the hardcore version of Nymphomaniac but can’t get to Cannes next year, you’re going to have to smear yourself with some patience. But even if you do get to see it, what’s the big deal? You won’t actually be watching the actors have sex, because the bodies will belong to the porn doubles, and you’ll know that’s not Shia LaBeouf’s actual vagina.