Leo DiCaprio Will Murder Yo *ss

Senior Writer
11.02.10 19 Comments

Leonardo DiCaprio’s next project may not be as the Riddler as some people with no lives or sources had projected, but it’s certainly going to slay audiences. Because he’ll be playing a serial killer. Slay… hell yeah, my jokes is legit today. DiCaprio’s production company has acquired the rights to the Erik Larson book “The Devil in the City” which chronicles the exploits of Dr. HH Holmes, who is believed to be America’s first serial killer. I like to think he was also America’s first FilmDrunkard. *wipes away single tear, stabs hobo*

Holmes built and operated the World’s Fair Hotel in Chicago in 1893 as the Queefy Windy City was hosting the great event. He lured young, single women to his establishment and murdered them. In his defense, they kept calling room service and asking for hot sausage, giggling, and then hanging up. Holmes is believed to have been responsible for between 27 and 200 murders, and that lack of records is a shame. A guy devotes his life to killing people and nobody even cares to keep an accurate record. I will just assume they were Cubs fans and be content with the good doctor’s work.

Lure me into your trap for sinister details of how this deal was done, Deadline:

Back in 2003, when Tom Cruise optioned the Larson book with the intention to play the killer, DiCaprio set up a rival project, planning to rely on public domain materials of Holmes’s murderous exploits. When the book rights came available, Appian Way and Double Features acquired it from Paradigm on behalf of lit agency Black Inc. They will hire a writer and put together a package before making a deal with a studio.

Man, just think – we could have had Tom Cruise playing this homicidal lunatic instead. Sure, Leo will be all “good” and “enjoyable” and “Oscar-worthy”, but Tom would have left us on the edge of our seats as he recreated his vision of this real monster. We would have gripped our partners’ hands as we wondered, “Don’t these girls know he’s gay?”

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