WATCH: Leonardo DiCaprio cuts promo video for Jordan Belfort, possibly at gunpoint

Martin Scorsese’s Wolf of Wall Street, which recently moved its release date to Christmas Day when it wasn’t finished in time for its initial deadline last Friday, tells the story of Jordan Belfort, a sleazy Wall Street wannabe who got rich scamming people chopping stocks, a la Boiler Room. The film I assume is going to be some kind of cautionary tale, but that might be tough to pull off, considering it’s based on a book written by Belfort himself, which refers to him in its official description as an “ill-fated genius.” Hmm, I’d argue a genius wouldn’t have gotten caught, genius.

In this new video dug up by The Bioscopist, Wolf of Wall Street star Leonardo DiCaprio stiffly reads awkward copy endorsing Belfort’s latest scam, motivational speaking. DiCaprio performs the task with all the sincerity of a Comcast operator and it makes you wonder: was doing this a condition of Belfort selling the option of his book? Or maybe a condition of giving Leo access? I don’t know, I’m just trying to give DiCaprio the benefit of the doubt here, because this is pretty terrible. The transcript:

“Hello, I’m Leonardo DiCaprio, and some of you may know I’ll be playing Jordan Belfort in the new film Wolf of Wall Street. What separates Jordan’s story from others like it is the brutal honesty in which he talks about the mistakes he’s made in his life. I’ve been in his company many times, but there is nothing quite like Jordan’s public speaking and his ability to train and empower young entrepreneurs. Jordan stands as a shining example of the transformative qualities of ambition and hard work. And in that regard, he’s true motivator. “

My God, you’d need rubber pants to wade through that much bullshit. The guy who financed his dwarf tossing and coke parties by screwing people out of their savings is training young entrepreneurs now? Perfect. I’ll be sure to check that out right after George Zimmerman’s Neighborhood Watch seminar.

But yes, I’m sure he’s incredibly contrite about all the mistakes he made after writing two separate books about how awesome he was.

His rich mahogany tan just screams “trustworthy” to me, what about you guys? The only seminar I want to see is on how to do this dance:

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