I still have nightmares of the Justice League-rumor party of 2008, when every day brought a new tidbit about a comic-book supergroup movie I didn’t care about in the first place, so you’ll have to excuse my reservations about Marvel’s supergroup movie, The Avengers. Excuse me, “Marvel’s The Avengers.” The Joss Whedon joint starts principal photography today, and Marvel is celebrating with a press release and the scintillating publicity still you see above. Yep, it’s picture of motherf*cking chairs. I like to think of it as a still life entitled “F*ck You, Hawkeye.”
Production has commenced today in Albuquerque, New Mexico on Marvel Studios’ highly anticipated movie “Marvel’s The Avengers,” directed by Joss Whedon (“Serenity”) from a screenplay by Whedon.
“Marvel’s The Avengers?” Really? Were you that worried people wouldn’t associate this with Marvel? You haven’t shut up about it for like six years.
Robert Downey, Jr. (“Iron Man,” “Iron Man 2″) returns as the iconic Tony Stark/Iron Man along with Chris Hemsworth (“Thor”) as Thor, Chris Evans (“Captain America: The First Avenger”) as Captain America…
“Robert Downey, whom you may know from Iron Man, plays Iron Man, while Captain America‘s Chris Evans plays Captain America. And I don’t think I have to tell you who Chris Hemsworth from Thor plays, but I’m going to anyway, because I get paid based on how many times I can mention Marvel products. Chris Hemsworth (Thor) plays Thor.”
Jeremy Renner (“Thor,” “The Hurt Locker”) as Hawkeye, Mark Ruffalo (“The Kids Are Alright”) as Hulk, Scarlett Johansson (“Iron Man 2″) as Black Widow, Clark Gregg (“Iron Man,” “Thor”) as Agent Phil Coulson, and Samuel L. Jackson (“Iron Man,” “Iron Man 2″) as Nick Fury. Set for release in the US on May 4, 2012, “Marvel’s The Avengers” is the first feature to be fully owned, marketed and distributed by Disney, which acquired Marvel in 2009.
“It was only by the grace of God that they didn’t make us call it ‘Disney’s Marvel’s The Avengers,’ you can thank Kevin Feige and his magical blow job lips for that one.”
Continuing the epic big-screen adventures started in “Iron Man,” “The Incredible Hulk,” “Iron Man 2,” “Thor,” and “Captain America: The First Avenger…”
I’m still reading those words, but in my head they’ve become nothing more than meaningless collections of sounds. It’s called semantic satiation.
“Marvel’s The Avengers” is the super hero team up of a lifetime. When an unexpected enemy emerges that threatens global safety and security, Nick Fury, director of the international peacekeeping agency known as S.H.I.E.L.D., finds himself in need of a team to pull the world back from the brink of disaster.
(*Sam Jackson pulls up to Thor’s house*) “WE NEED A GUY WHO CAN HIT SH*T WITH A GIANT HAMMER! I HEAR YOU’RE THE BEST!”
The star studded cast of super heroes will be joined by Cobie Smulders (“How I Met Your Mother) as Agent Maria Hill of S.H.I.E.L.D., as well as Tom Hiddleston (“Wallander”) and Stellan Skarsgård (“Angels & Demons,” “Mamma Mia!”) who will both reprise their respective roles as Loki and Professor Erik Selvig from the upcoming Marvel Studios’ feature “Thor.” [release via SlashFilm]
HOLY SH*T, DID YOU SAY ‘COBIE SMULDERS’? (*removes monocle, polishes it, puts it back on, re-reads press release, takes sip of water, spits water on screen in surprise*) WELL NOW I’M SOLD! WHERE COBIE SMULDERS GOES, GREATNESS FOLLOWS! ANY FOOL COULD TELL YOU THAT!