Megan Fox out of Transformers, who will wash Michael Bay’s Ferrari?

05.20.10 8 years ago 24 Comments

It seemed like that old Hollywood fairy tale: Boy meets 15-year-old girl, girl washes boy’s Ferrari, boy films girl writhing under a waterfall, boy casts girl in his robot movie, girl compares boy to Hitler — my grandparents tell the same story every family reunion.  But alas, ’twasn’t meant to be.  As I much as I’d hoped these crazy kids could work it out, Deadline first reported the story that Paramount wouldn’t be picking up Megan Fox’s option for Tranformers 3, and that it was “ultimately Michael Bay’s decision.”

Meanwhile, Megan Fox’s reps told People it was Megan Fox’s decision to leave, and HitFix says “sources close to the production” tell them the same thing.   For their part, Deadline is sticking by their original story that Bay did the firing.  At least this much is certain, however, (*dismissive wank mouthfart blowjob pantomime*).

Others are saying that Shia Labeouf, who recently kinda sorta criticized Steven Spielberg (who’s still a producer on Transformers), should heed this as a cautionary tale:

Whoopi Goldberg on The View yesterday took Shia to the woodshed. Whoopi, who worked with Spielberg on The Color Purple, said: “Really, Shia. Really? How come you [don’t] just make a phone call to Steven and discuss it. There’s no class. If he had an issue with Steven, he needed to call Steven. You don’t go public with that. You don’t do it with anybody. It’s rude. The guy gave you a job. And jobs are hard to come by.”

Whoop’s right (wait, she was an actress?). Jobs are hard to come by.  Which is why you should never give an honest answer about a former employer for so long as thou shall live.  The least you can do is forever sacrifice your own credibility.  After all, you worked with them once.  And Shia, where will you be if you can’t get a part in Transformers 6?  Giving four-fingered hand jobs for crack money, no doubt.

In any case, Transformers 3 is now a mere six weeks away from shooting, so they’ll need a really good actress who can prepare for a role on short notice. Which is why Bay currently has 100 of his fastest sports cars sitting in front of his mansion being polished by supermodels from all over the world.  Every few minutes or so he’ll throw m-80s at them to make sure they can handle the stress of one of his movie sets.  In conclusion, here’s a picture of Diora Baird in her panties:

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