Microsoft’s Magic Science Bra Will Keep You Hott

Noted poon tycoons Microsoft Researchers have discovered the perfect way to keep women thin AND maybe get to second base in the name of DEUS TECHNOLOGAE: the Stop Eating, Fatty bra. From CNET:

Mary Czerwinski, a research manager with Microsoft’s Visualization and Interaction Research Group, is studying how technology can help detect stress and give people tools for dealing with it. One of her recent projects involved the creation of a bra with embedded electrocardiogram and electrodermal activity sensors (PDF), as well as a gyroscope and accelerometer.

“It’s mostly women who are emotional overeaters, and it turns out that a bra is perfect for measuring EKG,” Czerwinski told Discovery News.

Huzzah! Finally, a way to regulate the Humours of Womenfolke.

The idea behind the prototype project is that women who have feedback about their moods can see the signs of stress that lead to overeating and make better decisions.

This is clearly the work of an accomplished nerd. I’m not talking about someone who likes Star Wars, comic books, or some other blockbuster cultural touchstone, I’m talking about an honest to Atheism, math-majoring, fedora-wearing Ayn Rand fan who doesn’t understand nuanced human emotions. Problem: people overeat as a coping mechanism for stress. Solution: tell them that their coping mechanism is making them unf*ckable, and they’ll stop because Logic and Science.

FOLLOW Vince on Twitter. FAN US on Facebook. SUBSCRIBE to the Frotcast. NOMINATE for Comments of the Week.

The Morning Links

Gal Gadot is the New Wonder Woman in Batman Vs. Superman |FilmDrunk|

Someone is Selling a Pair of Unicorns on Craigslist for the Low Price of $1.8 Million |UPROXX|

The Ultimate Christmas Movie Supercut |UPROXX Video|

The 10 Best TV Musical Moments in 2013 |Warming Glow|

Metta World Peace and Kenyon Martin Got Into a Fight About Macaroni and Cheese |With Leather|

This Batman Tumbler Golf Cart Should Be at the Top of Your Holiday Wish List |Gamma Squad|

What’s a Fitting Punishment for the Last Place Finisher in Your Fantasy League |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

Debate F*cking Settled: Jay Z Ranks His Own Albums |Smoking Section|

This man has written 276 negative Amazon reviews, mostly in verse |death&taxes|

Despite This Stunt, Winter Danger is Still a Real and Terrifying Threat |Videogum|

George H.W. Bush Wears Socks With His Own Face On Them |BuzzFeed| #SWAG

15 Life Lessons I’ve Learned from College Movies |Pajiba|

Lindsay Lohan’s Banging Liam Neeson’s 18-Year-Old Son Now |The Superficial| GIT IT GURL

Katy Perry Needs to Stop This |IDLYITW|

President Obama Says He Wants to Be an ESPN Sportscenter Anchor After Leaving Office |BroBible|

10 Ridiculous Items from the 2013 Gift Guide for Billionaires |Guyism|

Are You a Dadhole? |The Chive|

What Are The Best K-Cup Flavors? |Ranker|