I don’t have a strong opinion on Miles Teller one way or the other as an actor – I think he’s been solid if not stand-out in most of what he’s been in. But something about his face cracks me up every time. It’s like this strange combination of smug and confused, like Butters from South Park became a hot young actor one day. I don’t call him “punchable,” though many have. And Esquire seems to be begging us to with their latest profile of Teller (who plays Reed Richards in Fantastic Four, opening this week), a fine piece of hate bait disguised as journo porn with the oh-so-provocative title, “Miles Teller Is Young, Talented, and Doesn’t Give a Rat’s Ass What You Think.”
Aw, but my mom says I have good opinions! Anyway, I think Esquire is begging you to hate Miles Teller:
He recounts a direct message he […] sent to five-time NBA champion Kobe Bryant through Twitter: Kobe, watched your Showtime documentary. Really related to what you’re talking about and striving for greatness and how it can oftentimes be an isolated journey, and how relationships can be a weakness in a way, if you’re really kind of going after it.
“What’s up, Kobe. Feel really connected to you, bro. My mom says I’m the Black Mamba of acting.”
After the waitress leaves, shrugging off his comment about the highball glass, you ask him about his hair. He’s brought up how nice it is in more than one interview.
Say what you will about Miles Teller, he does have a nice head of hair. I like to imagine this reporter with 10 Miles Teller interviews all in different browser tabs, hitting ctrl-F “hair.”
“I was thinking about that today, how I probably think I’m better-looking than the public thinks I am,” he says with a laugh.
“What are some misconceptions you think the public has about you, Miles?”
“I was in one of these forums about a film I did, and it’s like, ‘This dude is so ugly! How does he get f*cking parts?’ ‘Well, he’s not, like, traditionally handsome, but . . .’ And that’s kind of what it is. Maybe it’s because I came from a small town, but I always did well for myself.”
I think that’s what it is. You look at Miles Teller, wearing one of his preppy motorcycle jackets, looking like a lesbian Elvis, and think to yourself “This guy? This guy f*cks.”
He’s appealingly attainable, a good-looking guy who shouldn’t know he’s good-looking, who should believe the commenters, except that he dates a twenty-two-year-old model/aspiring swimsuit designer/professional girlfriend who thinks Teller is attractive enough to have permanently monogrammed her perfect ass with his initials.
“U mad yet, bro?”
He goes into an animated rant about Leo and Bradley and Jake Gyllenhaal and Vince Vaughn, and how it’s almost impossible to win an Academy Award as a man under thirty, and Tom Hanks, and Ryan Gosling, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Jeff Bridges, Dustin Hoffman. “But if I’m really homing in on the dramatic performance right now, it’s probably Christian Bale or it’s Joaq.” [Esquire]
If he could just combine the looks of Bale with the drive of Kobe Bryant and the dramatic chops of Joaq, he’d be set. Guys, I think Miles Teller has it all figured out. And don’t think we don’t know what you’re doing, Esquire. Miles Teller is a sweet boy and I’m not going to let you turn us against him.