What do you get when you combine Jean Claude Van Damme, Rob Huebel, Kristen Schaal, Adam Brody, and that Asian dude from that awesome Amp’d Mobile commercial? Well, if you’re me you get a big boner, but more to the point, you get Welcome to the Jungle, from director Rob Meltzer and writer Jeff Kauffman. JCVD plays Storm Rothchild, a nutty corporate trainer who takes a group of office workers on a wacky retreat to a deserted jungle island. With this cast, I was hoping for a little better than a comedic version of Couples Retreat (“Corporate Retreat”), but the red-band trailer does bring us delightful lines like “You don’t think anything is going to bite my pussy?” and “I’m gonna piss on it, it’s the only way to help the pain.”

That man speaks the truth. Welcome to the Jungle opens in VOD and limited theaters on February 7th, 2014. Good enough for a rental at least, maybe?