Oh thank God, Mr. Ed is finally coming to theaters

This story is a little old now, so there’s a chance you might have heard, but it’s my duty to report anyway, if only to illustrate why we can’t have nice things. Fox 2000 has a acquired the rights to Mr. Ed, your grandpa’s sixth-favorite telemavision show, with plans to turn it into a family film. I will bet a thousand dollars the horse dances to hip hop at some point.

Mr. Ed, a television sitcom from Filmways, aired on CBS from Oct. 1, 1961 to Feb. 6, 1966. As in the original show, Fox 2000 will use a real horse. The studio will use CGI to animate the horse’s mouth. David Friendly, who has produced a number of movies for Fox, including Little Miss Sunshine for Fox Searchlight, brought the project to Fox 2000. Friendly and Jim Mahoney, a longtime manager and television producer, have spent several years securing the rights to Mr. Ed from two different estates. [THR]

Several years of time well spent, I’m sure. I say they just save time and combine this with War Horse. They could just go in and add CGI lips and do the voiceovers in post. “Neeeigh, I dunno, Mr. Spielberg, this romance seems maudlin and derivative, neeeeigh, call my agent.”

But if not, I hear Gary Busey has been campaigning hard for the lead role, showing up unannounced to pitch meetings and hammering nails into the bottoms of his feet.

If Mr. Ed never makes it to theaters, there’s always Tommy and the Cool Mule, starring Ice T.