Is Tay Allyn’s “Mass Text” the new FilmDrunk Song of Summer?

UPDATE: We’ve since discovered Tay’s commencement speech and acting reel.

While it’s not our normal mandate, we’ll cover the occasional music video if we deem it enough of sufficient artistic achievement to warrant attention, such as “Thanksgiving” or “Friday.” And “Mass Text” by Tay Allyn certainly seems to qualify. It’s closer to putting an ice pick in both your ears than anything created up until this point. Eat your heart out, Adam Levine.

It’s a song that tells a story, and it begins with a simple scenario, a mass-text party invite, which our protagonist apparently didn’t receive, much to her chagrin, and quickly deteriorates into Allyn demanding to know “WHY DIDN’T I GET YOUR MASS TEXT? I’M IN YOUR CONTACTS!” over and over like a deranged clingy sorority girl from the deepest bowels of hell. Part of me feels bad for contributing to the ubiquitousness of this inevitably-viral video, but it simply demanded to be shared. I guarantee this video is ten times scarier than Evil Dead.

“Just hang out with me, then you’ll see I’m not so crazy! Here, I even made you this teddy bear out of my ex-boyfriend’s used condoms!”

Here’s the YouTube description, which I really hope isn’t true…

A ©BMI affiliated artist.

24 year old recording POP artist Tay Allyn’s hit music single “Mass Text”. Tay has created a new breed of Pop that’s like Ke$ha without the sex, and Gaga without the avant garde- what are you left with? Pop songs about the mundane issues you face in everyday life. It’s sassy, fun, and RELATABLE. Chosen by Justin Timberlake and MySpace as a top upcoming artist of 2013.

Available on ITUNES!

“If you like Ke$ha, you’ll LOVE someone trying to imitate her during a manic episode!” Justin Timberlake’s bored assistant really knows how to pick them.

Tay Allyn looks like one of the Stepford Wives right before a spring pops out of her head.

I also liked this shot:

…Because it reminded me more than a little of this shot: