Nic Cage Attacked By Fudgsicle-Wielding Naked Dude

Nicolas Cage is currently in America’s toupee Canada for the Toronto Film Festival, promoting his new film Trespass, which also stars Nicole Kidman and is directed by Joel Schumacher. The film is about a wealthy family that is kidnapped and held for ransom in their own mansion, but Cage told reporters that the idea of home invasion hits a little too close to, well, home for him.

It turns out that he, too, has been a victim.

*plays Danny Elfman soundtrack, throws Magna Carta into a fire, starts dream sequence*

“It was two in the morning. I was living in Orange County at the time and was asleep with my wife. My two-year old at the time was in another room. I opened my eyes and there was a naked man wearing my leather jacket eating a Fudgesicle in front of my bed,” he told reporters on Wednesday.

“I know it sounds funny … but it was horrifying.”


It’s not funny that his home was broken into by a man with poor mental health, as much as it’s funny that this story was better than the plot of any movie Cage has starred in over the last decade. Take Trespass, for instance.

“It’s a class warfare movie too, about the haves and the have-nots.”

The diamond-dealing Cage character and one of the invaders are two versions of the same man, in that they have both “overreached to have their share of what used to be called ‘The American Dream,'” Schumacher said.

Can we say that it’s like Face-Off meets Trapped In Paradise? Because I would really enjoy that. Also in Cage news, Sylvester Stallone told Entertainment Weekly that Cage will also join the cast for The Expendables 2. Sure, it sounds like they’re cramming a lot of nonsense into one terrible movie, but keep in mind that more characters means less lines for them. At this point I imagine two hours of grunting and bone snapping, like Thanksgiving with the Kardashians.