Nic Cage's Stolen Comic Book, Starring Jason Statham

As insane as the characters he plays in his movies, screaming at iguanas that may not even be there, punching women, dressing as a bear – it’s possible Nic Cage might be even crazier in real life. He did name his son after Superman and go broke buying castles and dinosaur skulls, after all. That the real-life stories from Nic Cage’s life had never made it to the big screen before is an untapped well of material the likes of which the world has never seen. Robert Ben Garant and Thomas Lennon (of Reno 911!, but also the writers behind Night at the Museum, Balls of Fury, The Pacifier, and Taxi ) may become the first to correct this grave mistake as Lionsgate has picked up their script, Action No. 1, based on the true story of Nic Cage’s stolen Superman comic. Specifically, Action Comics No. 1, the landmark 1938 comic that introduced Superman.

The theft of Cage’s comic made real-world headlines in 2000. The issue was missing until 2011, when it was discovered among the contents of an abandoned storage locker. It sold for a record $2.1 million at auction in November.

The part of Cage was written with the real Cage in mind, but at this stage, it’s unlikely that Cage will play himself. Jason Statham‘s name has surfaced in connection with the project, but sources say he is not involved. (It was not known who Statham would play; the actor already played the leader of a heist in The Bank Job but has yet to tackle the role of a comics fanboy.) [THR]

Since Jason Statham doesn’t seem to be involved at all and yet they mentioned him anyway, it’s likely that last paragraph was written solely to blow my mind. Jason Statham playing Nic Cage… the universe might collapse under the weight of unintentional self-parody. (semi-intentional self-parody?).

Oi, Tommy, it seems moy comic books ‘as gone missin’, now ‘asn’ dey? …Wew if oy knew where oy last PUT da comic book, oy wouldn’ very wew be ASKIN’ where oy put da focken comic book, now would oy, Tommy? Fock me, Tommy, sometoimes oy fink your skuww is thickah den da focken doinosauw’s, innit. Roight.  ‘elp me finish loadin dese bloody snakes inta da toigah cage an’ den lets get to da bottom a dis, now won’ we.