This Week In Movie Posters: ‘The Nice Guys,’ And Captain America’s Bargain Bin Sidekicks

This week in movie posters starts with X-Men: Apocalypse, which is your traditional, “pyramid of characters” design. The X-Men franchise, which is arguably the most consistently good of any superhero movie franchise (Batman? Iron Man?), has had notably terrible poster game, so it’s nice to see one that that’s pretty good. Doing the pyramid thing makes sense, on account of the character of Apocalypse is really big. His defining characteristic, really. They also made Kodi Smit-McPhee’s Nightcrawler, who looks like a mutant Stephon from SNL, really small, which seems wise.

I always enjoy that one of humans’ greatest desires is mind control and the desire to control things with our thoughts, but if we depict that on film, the character has to frown and use their palm. Mind control is a lot like touch screens, apparently.

Meanwhile, Quicksilver’s smirky face always looks like he’s just found something droll on Pinterest, and Sansa Stark’s body position looks like a G.I. Joe that fell on the floor. Solid poster, though still room for improvement, I guess you could say.

This is the female equivalent of multiple, overt phallic symbols. There are obviously a lot of pregnancy and motherhood allusions (the title, the hand over the stomach, the tagline) and yet her dress is sort of symbolically menstruating onto the title. And it has Morris Chestnut’s name above the title, a guy who’s basically “Somebody gon’ get pregnant” in human form.

“Achingly real.”

I guess it’s true, reality often does make me sore.

Anyway, I don’t really know what this movie’s about, but the Canadians all seem to like it, so there’s that. And I am intrigued by this shirt that has “Pope John Paul II” above a Jaguars logo. Is that a Canadian skate brand? I haven’t seen a Canadian thing this obtuse and impenetrable since… well, ever. Usually Canadiana is just woodsy Americana without the ego. This is… I don’t know. A coming-of-age tale about some delinquents who really need a haircut, I guess.

There really isn’t much to these Nice Guys posters – some ’70s fonts, some ’70s colors, some ’70s outfits — but damn if they don’t get me pumped as hell. It’s amazing that it’s been 20 years since Pulp Fiction and the “guns + hoodlums + ’70s clothes” thing still hasn’t gotten old. Then again, that could just be the Shane Black effect. No one else can combine things that should be universally played out and corny and make them seem lovable and timeless like Shane Black. He’s like the awesome dad joke of directors.