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SORRY FOR PARTYYIIIINNGG BROOOOOO....
If you know anything about Hollywood, you know that if there’s one thing they LOVE, it’s “name recognition” (even if that name happens to be recognized as board game or an inanimated object). If there are two things they love, it’s name recognition AND properties that don’t cost royalties. If you can turn something like Snow White into a movie that looks like Clash of the Titans took a Rockstar enema during a Papa Roach concert, congratulations! You’re the smartest exec in town! On that note, Paramount just picked up a spec script about Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn cage fighting Affliction dragons or something.
MOTORCROSS!
The studio has picked up a spec by Andy Burg titled Huck, with Peter Chernin and Dylan Clark producing along with Matt Lopez.
The storyline is being kept under wraps, but the project is described as a re-imagining in the vein of Snow White and the Huntsman, focusing on Sawyer and Finn as adults. There also are supernatural elements to the script.
Lopez is a screenwriter whose credits include Bedtime Stories and The Sorcerer’s Apprentice. [THR]
So, how do you think this compares to Wyatt Earp and Doc Holliday teaming up to stop a powerful shaman, or Edgar Allen Poe helping detectives stop a serial killer, or Abraham Lincoln hunting vampires? Will Tom and Huck team up to stop a serial killer? A gang of eco-terrorists? Are they out for revenge against the man who molested N-word Jim? Or maybe they won’t team up at all, maybe Huck Finn has to infiltrate Tom Sawyer’s street bike gang a la Fast Furious/Point Break, but before long he finds that he’s IN TOO DEEP with a crime lord’s sexy ethnic daughter! Ooh! Ooh! Or maybe a powerful warlock has opened a portal to hell, and demons have kidnapped Tom’s daughter, but he needs Huck’s raft to carry him down the river Styx to save her! But the only problem is that Huck’s retired, seen too much, he says. But then one day Tom shows up at his house and he’s like, “They told me you’re the best.” Ooh, or Dane Cook could play “Good Luck Huck,” and Jessica Alba would be Tom’s slutty aunt B-Cups. THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS!
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MOTOCROSS!
Ooh! Maybe Shia LeBeouf can play BOTH Tom and Huck, because they’re actually…twins and fulfill a prophecy to, uh, control…dragons! Instead of going down a river of water on a raft, they FLY over a river of FIRE on DRAGONS! [does another rail off of a gold toilet seat]
Channing Tatum as Wigger Jim?
COTW (Casting of the Week)
C-Tates just came in his Zubaz.
I came up with a great idea for a script that has name recognition and won’t cost any royalties:
Jesus Christ starts a fight club
Josh Holloway or GTFO.
Actually, GTFO no matter what.
Huck: “Bro, if we’re gonna take out these mufukin’ Vampyer/Werewolf hybrids, we’re gonna have’ta get the best mufukin’ Voodoo-Man I know -N Word Jim, son!”
T-Saws: “Boosh!”
*Vampyer/Werewolf hybrids enter New Orleans Mardi Gras float storage hide-out*
T-Saws: “Huck! Weeee’ve got companyyyyy!”
*Parkour ensues*
Huck: “Bro! Remember that time with Judge Thatcher?! When she caught us /both/ with Becky?!”
T-Saws: “Word!”
Huck: “On three, kid!”
*Highly choreographed Break-dance fighting ensues; Huck unties a Mardi Gras swan-float while swing-kicking into a Vampyer/Werewolf hybrid; T-Saws unhooks a weighted rope dropping the weight onto a Vampyer/Werewolf hybrid; the boys jump on the swan-float as it rolls towards a slowly opening garage door*
In Unison: “Woaaaaaaah!!!”
*Vampyer/Werewolf hybrids make chase; swan-float picks up speed and smashes through the garage door letting in sunlight; Vampyer/Werewolf hybrids burst into flaming ash!*
Actually change N-Word Jim to Jimmy VooDoo
“parkour ensues” the greatest screen direction since ever.
Huck Finn digs up Samuel Clemens’ corpse and jizzes all over it.
©Johnny Lager 2012
Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured… on that note: come at me, bro! OOH-WAH-AH AH-AH!
-Mark Twain
The N-word to these puds is probably gNarly.
Huck and Tom are a pair of Steampunk detectives who team up to bring down a horde of KKK zombies, but they have to do it by the book to keep Chief of Police African American Jim off their case.
Found footage of course…
“maybe Huck Finn has to infiltrate Tom Sawyer’s street bike gang a la Fast Furious/Point Break,”
This, but it ends with the Fight Club twist.
“You met me at a very strange time in my life, Becky”
I’m jelly of your treatment.
N-Word Jim is going to be played by both Rob Mcelhenney and Glenn Howerton in black-face. You can only differentiate one from the other by how many times N-Word comments on cultivating mass.