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OBEY HYPNO-AZARIA!
The first, full-length Smurfs trailer is out, and in it, the “546-year-old” Papa Smurf, voiced by Jonathan Winters, comes dangerously close to uttering the immortal words of Danny Glover: “I’m gettin’ too old for this sh*t!” (He stops just short of saying “sh*t.” Pussy screenwriters).
And that’s kind of how I feel. Is posting a Smurfs trailer the best use of my time? Should I also review Lucky Charms flavors? Sippy cups? I don’t know, maybe it’d be funny. Anyway, all the Smurfs you remember and most that you don’t are back, including strangely-raspy Katy Perry as Smurfette (finally, I can hear her voice without seeing her boobs!), Wolfgang Puck as “Chef Smurf”, and BJ Novak as “Baker Smurf,” which frankly seems a little redundant. Is there a Sous Chef Smurf?
Bet You Didn’t Know
Gutsy and Panicky Smurf from the movie are the first new Smurf characters since creator Pierre Culliford (a.k.a. Peyo) died in 1992. [Yahoo]
You’re right, Yahoo, I did not know that. Gutsy, by the way, is voiced by Alan Cummings with a loud Scottish accent, while Jeff Foxworthy voices “Handy Smurf” (Redneck Smurf) and George Lopez plays Grouchy (Mexican Smurf). Am I wrong for wishing all the Smurves could be ethnic stereotypes? Drunk Smurf, Greedy Smurf, Greasy Smurf, Bad-Manners-on-the-Subway Smurf… It could teach kids… uh… tolerance.
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Should I feel bad about pleasuring myself to images of Smurfette getting railed by the Snorks? Does it make it any better that it was before Peyo died?
Am I wrong for wishing all the Smurves could be ethnic stereotypes?
I recommend you start praying for a sequel directed by Michael Bay.
They seem to have covered all of the essential “fantasy-character-comes-to-the-real-world” antics… hit by cab? check… see new york? check… blow soap bubble from eating soap? check.
I can’t wait to not see this movie.
Azaria.
This is absolute bullshit. I really can’t believe this.
Jonathan Winters is dead and has been since 1988.
Did Dane Cook and Carlos Mencia knife-fight in a Cardassian Galley to see who would voice “Jokey Smurf”?
Did Tom Brady and Perez Hilton sword-fight in a San Francisco glory hole to see who would voice “Vanity Smurf”?
God dammit. Azaria. You know what I meant.
Casting Katy Perry for her voice instead of her tits is as dumb as paying her to sing instead of showing her tits…… wait… she’s a singer?
The Mighty Feklahr’s favourite episode of the Smurfs is the one where Gargamel slips Hefty Smurf into one of those cardboard paper towel tubes whilst watching Richard Gere movies.
I pity the gay smurf, ’cause you know Doogie will be all over that.
Oddly enough, Cardassian Galleys and San Francisco glory holes are eerily similar. Fuckin’ spooneys.
Is posting a Smurfs trailer the best use of my time?
No, you could be smoothing out your Jewfro or fixing the Recent Comments section.
“Only a Carpathian would choose New York!” The Smurfs: Always proving Dr. Venkman wrong. Fuckers.
Aw, no Larry the Cable Smurf?
The only thing that could make me want to see this less:
Madea Smurf
Chet Haze is sooooooo fuckin’ stoked to voice “Juggalo Smurf”, MUTHOFAWKOO!
@Moose. The Smurfs are the wrong color.
Nothing wrong with purple Smurfs, FalseRumorsDotCom.
They’re all red in the middle.
WHY
THE
FUCK
would a smurfing Smurf have a smurfing Scottish accent??
Does anyone notice some telltale signs of a shitty movie? Like the Cat covering its eyes, the adorable small person playing “edgy” rock and roll and if you notice, tons of shitty movie’s have trailers with the beat of Wild Thing playing in the background.
I’m guessing Handy Smurf’s parents were not Jews.
I think you should put this trailer, and the Easter Bunny’s trailer side by side and see home similarities there are.
I do believe we’re entering a wonderful new universe of shitty movie cliches, thewburgoon. Usually those “hip” rock sequences are just a Blur; this one made me break out in Hives.
How in the Smurf of all that’s holy was there no record scratch nor nutshot in this trailer?
jonson
How in the Smurf of all that’s holy was there no record scratch nor nutshot in this trailer?
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I believe you mean:
“How in the Smurf of all that’s Smurfy was there no record Smurf or Smurfshot in this Smurfer?”
Smurfing Amasmurf.
♫ (Smurf me)
I’ve smurfed apart my insides
(Smurf me)
I’ve got no smurf to sell
(Smurf me)
The only thing that smurfs for me…
Help me smurf away from mysmurf!
I want to smurf you like an animal
I want to smurf you from the inside
I want to smurf you like an Azrael
My whole existence is smurfed
You get me closer to Smurf ♫
“smurf” me closer to Smurf…
Smurfing spaz.
There was going to be a longnose money-coverting smurf, but it was dropped due to anti-Semurfitism.
Bet You Didn’t Know
Somebody took credit for creating these little azure retards.
Wait – That wedding photo halfway through Randy Pofo’s Pre-Rapture Post wasn’t a mid-CGI sneak-peek of Papa Smurf?? But it was so authentic!
Aw, those cat reaction shots make me feel so much better about hollywood raping my childhood…
Let’s see how Papa Smurf likes my microwave.
“And that’s how Smurfs get their names. Why do you ask, Cocksucker Smurf?”
Please GOD let this movie have a scene where NPH is snorting blow off a stripper’s ass!