Paramount wants back-to-back Transformers sequels starring Jason Statham. …Is this real life?

I don’t know what to make of this Variety article, because it says “nothing is set in stone,” and some of the facty statements are prefaced by awesomely unattributable phrases like “it’s said,” but it seems to suggest that Paramount might shoot Transformers 4 and 5 back-to-back. No matter who said it, the fact that anyone might want to do that seems newsworthy in itself. Try to figure this out with me.

Hasbro chief Brian Goldner said during a Monday third-quarter earnings call that the toymaker is in “active discussions” with Paramount, Michael Bay and Steven Spielberg on how to move forward. Sources close to the planning process tell Variety two films could be headed into production.

Yes, an exec at a toy company is active in pre-production discussions for a film. Sad as that is, it’s even sadder that none of us are surprised.

Paramount is considering lensing its fourth and fifth films without pause. Nothing is set in stone, but screenwriter Ehren Kruger is said to have an idea for the next installments that the studio is high on, and has only begun engaging with writers.

And he wrote the second and third ones, so I’m sure this will be just as great.

One element that won’t return: Shia LaBeouf, who’s said he’s moving on, giving Paramount the chance to pair a new face. Though one name — Jason Statham — has been bandied about by sources close to the production, no offer has been made.
While Bay will serve as an executive producer alongside Spielberg, sources close to the development said Bay is still interested in directing. Bay has wanted to spend some time on his competitive body-building passion project “Pain and Gain,” which he could conceivably squeeze in before “Transformers” got going in late 2012 or early 2013. [Variety]

I’m so bored by the prospect of two more Transformers movies that I can’t even bring myself to write a fake Stath quote for this. I’ve sat through all three of these pieces of sh*t so far. In the theater. As fun as Michael Bay is as a character, these movies are honestly terrible. Even when he has a cool idea, like wingsuits, you can’t even just enjoy the pure spectacle of it because he makes it so visually obnoxious with his thousand stupid camera angles and a bajillion cuts that you can’t even enjoy it. It’s like dub-step music for your eyes. The people directly involved in this production are literally the only people on Earth over the age of 8 that are excited about it.