Parkour Movie Finally Gets a Writer, Loses C-Tate

Senior Writer
04.27.10 12 Comments

New Line Cinema has selected Matt Johnson to finally write the studio’s Parkour film that has been in development since 2007. Still without a title, the film will be about two bank robbers who succeed at thievery because of their crazy extreme free-jumping skills. Parkour is basically like an extreme sport without any type of equipment or vehicle. So it’s pretty awesome for poor people.

Johnson is the visionary behind such extreme classics as Into the Blue, which starred the world’s greatest actors Paul Walker and Jessica Alba, and the Ice Cube masterpiece Torque. Diving and motorcycles – Matt Johnson was breast fed Mountain Dew. He also has a film in the works titled Trans Am, which Vince is already calling the feel good movie of the year. Now that “Parkour” has a writer to team with director Richie Smyth (XXTREME NAME SPELLING!), all that’s left is a star.

Free-jump my wall, Variety:

Studio’s been developing the project since 2007 when it bought a pitch preemptively from Kevin Lund and T.J. Scott around a pair of jumpers who use their skills in heists. Channing Tatum was attached to star at that point but is no longer involved.

NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! This is a travesty. All I’ve ever wanted in this world is a movie that combines the extreme excitement of jumping on buildings with the urban flava acting style of my man Channing Tatum, who turned 30 yesterday by the way. Well, I had to find out why Channing was no longer involved, so I shot him an email and here is his response:

“Yo dawg, at firsts I was all like, Yo I can get into some jumpin’ sh-t, for real. Because like, dancin’ is like a muthaf-ckin’ extreme sport too, son. You don’t just walk up to some slizzy and be like, I be grindin’ my jam in your fat ass, girl. You gotta be all, Watch me pop, beeyotch. And then theyz all be like, Aw snap C-Tate done did his thang and it’s like – POW! Titty all up in yo grill, son. But then like, I was thinkin’ son, because I gots that brain and sh-t, like a book, right? I gots three weapons – my face, my abs and my d-ck. And I already damaged my jimmy, for real. So I only gots like… like, two things left that gonna pay my bills, legit style. So I ain’t be jumpin’ on no buildin’ like no homo Spiderdude, holler back youngin.”

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