Paul Walker Died “Almost Instantly” According to Autopsy

And now, some news perfectly suited to a comedy site: autopsy reports. On a serious note, lots of morbid psychos well-adjusted readers wondered, at the time of Paul Walker’s death, whether he’d died in the violent car crash, or in the ensuing flames, which would be worse (I guess?). According to the autopsy report obtained by TMZ, Walker was killed “almost instantly,” which I suppose is a mild relief.

According to the report … obtained by TMZ … Walker’s body was laying supine in the passenger seat in a “pugilistic stance” — that’s a defensive position, as if he were bracing himself for impact.

He had multiple fractures throughout his body, including his jaw, collarbone, and left upper arm.  There were also various ribs and pelvic fractures.

The report concludes Walker died from “combined effects of traumatic and thermal injuries” sustained from the Nov. 30 crash in Santa Clarita, CA.

No alcohol or drug traces were found in either body.

The report also says there was “scant soot in Walker’s trachea” — suggesting he took a few breaths after impact.  Sources close to the investigation, however, tell TMZ, they believe both men died almost immediately.

And the report goes on … Paul had 14% carbon monoxide saturation in his blood stream … the normal level is 2%.  Roger had 10%.

According to the report … after impact the car spun 180 degrees, struck a tree and nearly tore in half before exploding in flames. [TMZ]

Of course an auto wreck kills the one Hollywood actor who’s 100% drug free. Because life is fair. I’m gonna go pour myself a stiff drink and cry and the tub.