Randy Quaid flees from autoerotic asphyxiation ninjas in Canada

Senior Editor
10.25.10 23 Comments

"Psst. You think they know the sh*tter's full?"

Randy Quaid and his wife, Evi, are currently fugitives after missing a court date stemming from their burglary arrest last month for squatting in the guest house of a home they hadn’t owned since the 90s.  They were released on bond in Vancouver when their Canadian lawyer presented the media with a hand-written note that said, “Yes we are requesting asylum from Hollywood ‘STAR WHACKERS.'”

And that’s when things start to get weird.

Those Quaid counts among his “murdered” friends include actors Heath Ledger and David Carradine. [as well as Michael Jackson, Chris Penn, Natasha Richardson, and other actors who have appeared in movies with Randy.]
Quaid and his wife said they felt they had been unfairly treated by the U.S. justice system and promised to appear at future hearings, if released.

“I would not do anything to besmirch my reputation any further than it has been,” the actor said. “I’m trying to do damage control.”
Evi Quaid insisted they would not flee, if released, and even offered to wear an ankle bracelet.  She added: “I feel safe here.”

Vancouver police said they received a call for assistance Thursday in the city’s west side and while checking the identities of the pair — who turned out to be Quaid and his wife — authorities learned they were wanted on outstanding warrants.
The pair, who arrived in Canada on Oct. 17, said they crossed the border unaware that they had been charged and had a court date in California.
They said they came to Vancouver to relax and to talk to an agent about jump-starting Quaid’s acting career. [VancouverSun]

Which will of course be difficult, considering he and his wife’s scorched-Earth trail of batsh*t nuttiness that began back in 2008 on the set of the play Lone Star Love, when the cast hated them so much, they had him banned from the union and fined $80 grand.  Some highlights from the next two years:


Two months later, the Quaids had ignored four California court summonses — although Evi reportedly found time to send unsolicited nude pictures of herself to a Seattle newspaper with a note that read: “Here is my German stuff.” [the pictures were taken by Helmut Newton, but I like this much better if I read “German stuff” as a euphemism for genitalia. -Ed.]

After a fifth missed court date last December, the couple was arrested in Marfa, Texas, where they were apparently trying to open a museum in Quaid’s honor. [well sure.]

The Quaids posted $40,000 bail and made their next two Santa Barbara court appearances. Quaid showed up with his 1998 Golden Globe statue for Best Actor at one; Evi wore a “valid credit card” affixed to her head at another.

At a later court hearing, the Quaids appeared in matching pink handcuffs. Evi was given 240 hours of community service for defrauding an innkeeper. Charges against Randy were dropped.

The case was settled. Quaid was not — he went on a lawsuit rampage. Over the next few months, the actor filed multiple suits against his former bankers and money managers, claiming they conspired to steal his fortune, including the $600,000 he got for “Brokeback.”

It’s unclear how bad off financially the couple is, but on Sept. 19, they were discovered squatting in the guesthouse of a property on Santa Barbara that they used to own a decade ago. [NYPost]

Which brings us back to today, when things are so bad that Dog the Bounty Hunter has stepped in as the voice of reason (see video above), presumably between calling in laws the N-word.

“I hope Randy Quaid and his wife are watching right now,” said Chapman, a reality TV star and bounty hunter, while appearing on the Lopez Tonight.
“We’re announcing that he has a chance to call these authorities to turn himself in,” Chapman said. “At least do it for your wife and for how you were raised. If not, the Chapman family is coming after you.”
He said Quaid has been struggling lately and was not himself.
“We need to do, like, an intervention, Dog-style.” [VancouverSun]

Well you know what they say, it takes a batsh*t husband-and-wife team to catch a batsh*t husband-and-wife team.  There is, however, one part of the story that is almost certainly true: whoever did David Carradine was definitely a star whacker.

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