Relax, retards, Robert Pattinson is not playing Kurt Cobain

Senior Editor
04.09.10 28 Comments

The rumor that Robert Pattinson would play Kurt Cobain in a new biopic from David Fincher (and that Courtney Love wants ScarJo to play her) was enough to make “Robert Pattinson” and “Kurt Cobain” trending topics on Twitter (the new, internationally-recognized barometer for buzz).  However, before you read this ridiculous story, keep in mind that it comes from The Sun, who also said Eddie Murphy would play The Riddler and Megan Fox narrowly beat out Cher to play Catwoman.  Says the Sun now:

R-Patz has been in regular contact with Kurt’s widow COURTNEY LOVE, who has been handed a key role in the production by bosses at Universal Pictures. The HOLE singer wanted R-Patz as Kurt and SCARLETT JOHANSSON to portray her. My graphics team have mocked up Rob and Scarlett as the hellraising pair.

A source said: “This is a big money deal for Courtney. “She has agreed to the film on condition that she gets to decide the main aspects of the project including director, casting, screenplay and music. “Robert has been calling and emailing her non-stop. She has been a bit wound up by his manners, but he is her number one choice to play Kurt. “She is adamant Scarlett will play her. Scarlett is friendly with FRANCES BEAN, her daughter with Kurt.”
Courtney has been in touch with director DAVID FINCHER about the project, which has the working title All Apologies. A few years ago Sony Pictures were told to sling their hook by Courtney when they floated the idea of ZAC EFRON as Kurt, while Frances Bean would play her mum.

I like how they threw in Zac Efron as an afterthought in case the Robert Pattinson story wasn’t enough to get people interested in their stupid story.  That’s their picture, by the way, I’m much better at Photoshop than that.  In case you were wondering, there is a Kurt Cobain biopic in the works with Courtney Love’s cooperation, but it’s called Heavier Than Heaven and it currently has Oren Moverman attached to direct. Also, what in the sweet f*ck does “told them to sling their hook” mean?  Do British people insult you by subtly implying that you’re Batman?  Oi, bugga me norks, guvna, but you kin stick it in ya youtilla-ee behwt.

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