"Rise of the Guardians" Sadly Not About War Owls

04.26.12 7 years ago

It seems like every time something needs a different title it stays the same, and every time it doesn’t need to be changed they change it. Dreamworks’ new Rise of the Guardians is based on the book series The Guardians of Childhood by William Joyce, not to be confused with the Legend of the Guardians, the Owls of Ga’Hoole (which was an even worse title, and the movie bombed because of it). It’s sort of the reverse of calling A Princess of Mars “John Carter,” or The Raid “The Raid: Redemption.”

[Film synopsis] When an evil spirit hatches a plot to take over the world, the immortal Guardians join forces to protect the hopes, beliefs, and imagination of children all over the world.

[Book synopsis] Before SANTA was SANTA, he was North, Nicholas St. North—a daredevil swordsman whose prowess with double scimitars was legendary. Like any swashbuckling young warrior, North seeks treasure and adventure, leading him to the fiercely guarded village of Santoff Claussen, said to be home to the greatest treasure in all the East, and to an even greater wizard, Ombric Shalazar. But when North arrives, legends of riches have given way to terrors of epic proportions! North must decide whether to seek his fortune…or save the village.

So… it’s Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter for kids, basically? Also, isn’t this basically the Imaginationland trilogy from South Park? As a grown man I wish I didn’t have to concern myself with these movies aimed at 8-year-olds, it just sucks having to sit through them on dates.

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