Russell Crowe Might Be Playing Noah, Liam Neeson Might Punch More Animals

So Darren Aronofsky is making a movie about the story of Noah, the Biblical figure who loaded up animals two by two on an ark when God got mad and flooded the world. I, for one, thought any and all ark-related movies had been made irrelevant by the cinematic masterpiece Evan Almighty, but I guess that’s Hollywood for you. Always pissing on the classics for a buck. Anyway, Aronofsky is getting ready to start casting, so the rumor mill is kicking into high gear. Throw some sh-t against the wall, Deadline.

Darren Aronofsky is ready to set sail on Noah, the Biblical story of Noah’s Ark. I’m hearing that the Black Swan director wants Russell Crowe to play the title role in the New Regency/Paramount film. I can’t tell you that this is all going to lead to a deal but signs are pointing that way. I have also heard Aronofsky wants The Grey star Liam Neeson for another role.

RUSSELL CROWE AND LIAM NEESON WRANGLE ANIMALS: THE MOVIE! Pleaseohpease let this be true. Everything about it is terrific, at least in the funhouse that is my brain right now. I mean, think of all the possibilities: stories leaking from the set about Russell Crowe yelling at animals on and off-camera and throwing tantrums about their lack off professionalism, a scene where the bears are being uncooperative so Liam Neeson punches them repeatedly in the face and drags their unconscious bodies onto the ark, Noah being a big fat guy who got hungry and ate the unicorns halfway through the flood (thus explaining their absence from the animal kingdom), etc. It’s all too perfect.

Make it so, universe.