Now is the time of year when critics associations announce their awards, and commentators who specialize in awards coverage argue with each other about which awards most affect other awards. It’s like a real-life f*cking snow level, only more asinine. (You correctly predicted the Oscars? Congratulations, kill yourself). My favorite is the current argument over whether Zero Dark Thirty glorifies torture. Zero Dark Thirty, which even *I* don’t get to see until January, and I’m a critic. Aaaanyway, this week saw the release of the SAG Award nominations, which are crucial because (*fart*), and the Critic’s Choice Awards, which have had Oscar implications approximately (*wank*) percent of the time. Enjoy. (*slide whistle*)
SAG
Best Ensemble in a Motion Picture
“Argo”
“The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel”
“Les Misérables”
“Lincoln”
“Silver Linings Playbook”
Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Leading Role
Bradley Cooper, “Silver Linings Playbook”
Daniel Day-Lewis, “Lincoln”
John Hawkes, “The Sessions”
Denzel Washington, “Flight”
Hugh Jackman, “Les Miserables”Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Leading Role
Jessica Chastain, “Zero Dark Thirty”
Jennifer Lawrence, “Silver Linings Playbook”
Helen Mirren, “Hitchcock”
Naomi Watts, “The Impossible”
Marion Cotillard, “Rust and Bone”
Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Supporting Role
Alan Arkin, “Argo”
Robert De Niro, “Silver Linings Playbook”
Philip Seymour Hoffman, “The Master”
Tommy Lee Jones, “Lincoln”
Javier Bardem, “Skyfall”Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Supporting Role
Sally Field, “Lincoln”
Anne Hathaway, “Les Misérables”
Helen Hunt, “The Sessions”
Nicole Kidman, “The Paperboy”
Maggie Smith, “Best Exotic Marigold Hotel”Outstanding Action Performance by a Stunt Ensemble in a Motion Picture
“The Dark Knight Rises”
“Skyfall”
“The Bourne Legacy”
“The Amazing Spider-Man”
“Les Miserables”
I don’t know what these people are smoking, Sally Field in Lincoln was probably my least favorite performance of the year. The script sure didn’t do her any favors, but she looked like she was in a high school play. If she beats Helen Hunt in The Sessions (my review) I will hit Cate Blanchett in the belly with a table leg. Also, no McConaughey? Suck a big hard dick, SAG awards.
Critic’s Choice:
BEST PICTURE
Argo
Beasts of the Southern Wild
Django Unchained
Les Misérables
Life of Pi
Lincoln
The Master
Moonrise Kingdom
Silver Linings Playbook
Zero Dark ThirtyBEST ACTOR
Bradley Cooper – “Silver Linings Playbook”
Daniel Day-Lewis – “Lincoln”
John Hawkes – “The Sessions”
Hugh Jackman – “Les Misérables”
Joaquin Phoenix – “The Master”
Denzel Washington – “Flight”
BEST ACTRESS
Jessica Chastain – “Zero Dark Thirty”
Marion Cotillard – “Rust and Bone”
Jennifer Lawrence – “Silver Linings Playbook”
Emmanuelle Riva – “Amour”
Quvenzhané Wallis – “Beasts of the Southern Wild”
Naomi Watts – “The Impossible”
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Alan Arkin – “Argo”
Javier Bardem – “Skyfall”
Robert De Niro – “Silver Linings Playbook”
Philip Seymour Hoffman – “The Master”
Tommy Lee Jones – “Lincoln”
Matthew McConaughey – “Magic Mike”
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Amy Adams – “The Master”
Judi Dench – “Skyfall”
Ann Dowd – “Compliance”
Sally Field – “Lincoln”
Anne Hathaway – “Les Misérables”
Helen Hunt – “The Sessions”
BEST YOUNG ACTOR/ACTRESS
Elle Fanning – “Ginger & Rosa”
Kara Hayward – “Moonrise Kingdom”
Tom Holland – “The Impossible”
Logan Lerman – “The Perks of Being a Wallflower”
Suraj Sharma – “Life of Pi”
Quvenzhané Wallis – “Beasts of the Southern Wild”
BEST ACTING ENSEMBLE
Argo
The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel
Les Misérables
Lincoln
Moonrise Kingdom
Silver Linings Playbook
BEST DIRECTOR
Ben Affleck – “Argo”
Kathryn Bigelow – “Zero Dark Thirty”
Tom Hooper – “Les Misérables”
Ang Lee – “Life of Pi”
David O. Russell – “Silver Linings Playbook”
Steven Spielberg – “Lincoln”
BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
Quentin Tarantino – “Django Unchained”
John Gatins – “Flight”
Rian Johnson – “Looper”
Paul Thomas Anderson – “The Master”
Wes Anderson & Roman Coppola – “Moonrise Kingdom”
Mark Boal – “Zero Dark Thirty”
BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
Chris Terrio – “Argo”
David Magee – “Life of Pi”
Tony Kushner – “Lincoln”
Stephen Chbosky – “The Perks of Being a Wallflower”
David O. Russell – “Silver Linings Playbook”
BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY
“Les Misérables” – Danny Cohen
“Life of Pi” – Claudio Miranda
“Lincoln” – Janusz Kaminski
“The Master” – Mihai Malaimare Jr.
“Skyfall” – Roger Deakins
BEST ART DIRECTION
“Anna Karenina” – Sarah Greenwood/Production Designer; Katie Spencer/Set Decorator
“The Hobbit” – Dan Hennah/Production Designer; Ra Vincent & Simon Bright/Set Decorators
“Les Misérables” – Eve Stewart/Production Designer; Anna Lynch-Robinson/Set Decorator
“Life of Pi” – David Gropman/Production Designer; Anna Pinnock/Set Decorator
“Lincoln” – Rick Carter/Production Designer; Jim Erickson/Set Decorator
BEST EDITING
“Argo” – William Goldenberg
“Les Misérables” – Melanie Ann Oliver and Chris Dickens
“Life of Pi” – Tim Squyres
“Lincoln” – Michael Kahn
“Zero Dark Thirty” – William Goldenberg and Dylan Tichenor
BEST COSTUME DESIGN
“Anna Karenina” – Jacqueline Durran
“Cloud Atlas” – Kym Barrett and Pierre-Yves Gayraud
“The Hobbit” – Bob Buck, Ann Maskrey and Richard Taylor
“Les Misérables” – Paco Delgado
“Lincoln” – Joanna Johnston
BEST MAKEUP
Cloud Atlas
The Hobbit
Les Misérables
Lincoln
BEST VISUAL EFFECTS
The Avengers
Cloud Atlas
The Dark Knight Rises
The Hobbit
Life of Pi
BEST ANIMATED FEATURE
Brave
Frankenweenie
Madagascar 3
ParaNorman
Rise of the Guardians
Wreck-It Ralph
BEST ACTION MOVIE
The Avengers
The Dark Knight Rises
Looper
Skyfall
BEST ACTOR IN AN ACTION MOVIE
Christian Bale – “The Dark Knight Rises”
Daniel Craig – “Skyfall”
Robert Downey Jr. – “The Avengers”
Joseph Gordon-Levitt – “Looper”
Jake Gyllenhaal – “End of Watch”
BEST ACTRESS IN AN ACTION MOVIE
Emily Blunt – “Looper”
Gina Carano – “Haywire”
Judi Dench – “Skyfall”
Anne Hathaway – “The Dark Knight Rises”
Jennifer Lawrence – “The Hunger Games”
BEST COMEDY
Bernie
Silver Linings Playbook
Ted
This Is 40
21 Jump Street
BEST ACTOR IN A COMEDY
Jack Black – “Bernie”
Bradley Cooper – “Silver Linings Playbook”
Paul Rudd – “This Is 40”
Channing Tatum – “21 Jump Street”
Mark Wahlberg – “Ted”
BEST ACTRESS IN A COMEDY
Mila Kunis – “Ted”
Jennifer Lawrence – “Silver Linings Playbook”
Shirley MacLaine – “Bernie”
Leslie Mann – “This Is 40”
Rebel Wilson – “Pitch Perfect”
BEST SCI-FI/HORROR MOVIE
The Cabin in the Woods
Looper
Prometheus
BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
Amour
The Intouchables
A Royal Affair
Rust and Bone
BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE
Bully
The Central Park Five
The Imposter
The Queen of Versailles
Searching for Sugar Man
West of Memphis
BEST SONG
“For You” – performed by Keith Urban/written by Monty Powell & Keith Urban – Act of Valor
“Learn Me Right” – performed by Birdy with Mumford & Sons/written by Mumford & Sons – Brave
“Skyfall” – performed by Adele/written by Adele Adkins & Paul Epworth – Skyfall
“Still Alive” – performed by Paul Williams/written by Paul Williams – Paul Williams Still Alive
“Suddenly” – performed by Hugh Jackman/written by Claude-Michel Schonberg & Alain Boublil & Herbert Kretzmer – Les Misérables
BEST SCORE
“Argo” – Alexandre Desplat
“Life of Pi” – Mychael Danna
“Lincoln” – John Williams
“The Master” – Jonny Greenwood
“Moonrise Kingdom” – Alexandre Desplat
Uh oh, a couple people in Hollywood didn’t receive nominations. Quick! Better make up a few more categories! Also, Flight for best original screenplay? You guys are so, so very f*cking high.
Anyone know when the Missoula Electricians Local 427 is releasing their nominations? I’m predicting a lot of Haneke love.