‘Scary Movie 5’ Is Already The Worst Thing Ever

Despite the fact that the last Scary Movie film was released in 2006, the Weinstein Company and Dimension figured that if people were empty-headed enough to spend $90 million on it then, there’s no reason they won’t spend as much or more for Scary Movie 5. As we know, the fifth installment of this exhausted franchise is striking while the iron is unplugged by casting Lindsay Lohan to play Charlie Sheen’s love interest. It’s funny, because people hate Lohan and Sheen will have sex with literally anything.

This week, Dimension released a new still from Scary Movie 5, and it tells us everything we already know about how little this franchise respects parody and how much it relies on “Hey, remember that person we all hate?” pop culture references that are funny to very few people. But again, this is the franchise that gave us Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg, so we shouldn’t really be expecting Top Secret or The Kentucky Fried Movie. Hell, I’d settle for Hot Shots Part Deux.

Featured in the above image are Angela “Big Ang” Raiola of VH1’s Mob Wives and Sherée Whitfield of Bravo’s The Real Housewives of Atlanta, and according to Coming Soon, they apparently get into a huge fight during one scene of the film, and that’s hilarious because… no f*cking clue.

Look, this GIF best describes how I feel right now:

But I’ll say it until the day that a celestial Mayan god harvests my spine for fuel, these “spoof” movies need to stop. If Leslie Nielsen were still alive, well, he’d probably be in this film, and according to Rotten Tomatoes he is, but that can’t be right. But he’d also probably feel some shame that this is what the genre that he helped perfect has come to.

I refuse to believe that there’s not a brilliant, young comic mind out there who can’t reinvent the parody film genre and help usher in a new era of Airplane! and The Naked Gun films. Someone please save us from the Seltzbergs of this world before another generation is tricked into thinking that a person falling on Paris Hilton is funny.