Screech Has Been Sentenced To Four Months In Jail For His Wild Night Of Stabbings And Smirnoff Icings

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I don’t know how many times I have to suggest putting all former child actors on house arrest before someone listens, but in the meantime, as a half measure, 38-year-old Dustin “Screech” Diamond has been sentenced to four months in jail after he was found guilty of carrying a concealed weapon and disorderly conduct over his part in a Christmas Day bar brawl in Wisconsin.

Judge Paul Malloy also sentenced Diamond to 15 months’ probation and ordered him to report to jail Sunday. Diamond was convicted earlier this month on two misdemeanor counts that stemmed from a Christmas Day barroom fight.

Diamond, appearing misty-eyed, left the courtroom without commenting. [AssociatedPress]

This stemmed from an incident where Screech claimed he pulled the knife to protect his girlfriend (now fianceé) from a mob of wild-eyed Screech fans, while witnesses testified that it was actually her Lady Screech (Amanda Schutz, pictured) who initiated the fight. Schutz was convicted of disorderly conduct and fined $500.

Other witnesses told the court the incident began when Schutz pushed a woman at the bar and grabbed another woman’s hand. [BBC]

I assume she was just trying to pass the woman a note that said “HELP.”

Diamond’s testimony veered widely from the story presented by the prosecution’s nine witnesses, most of whom were cousins of 25-year-old Casey Smet, who suffered a minor stab wound during the altercation.

While the prosecution’s witnesses described Diamond and his fiancee, Amanda Schutz, as aggressors who were uninterested in the apology of Smet’s girlfriend after she accidentally bumped into them at the bar, Diamond said the bumping was intentional and repeated.

The group of cousins was trying to take pictures of him because they recognized him from television, he said. Diamond is best known for his role as the character Screech in the 90s sitcom Saved by the Bell.

When he and Schutz stood up to leave the bar, Diamond testified, the group swarmed to block their way and began violently attacking Schutz.

Diamond said he heard multiple “impact sounds” as the cousins hit his fiancee.

“I saw a tall guy holding her arms back, as if to keep her from defending herself,” he said. “As she had her arms being held back, she was being struck.”

He also said he witnessed someone choking Schutz.

One guy held her arms back while nine people took turns choking and pummeling her, uh huh, sounds totally plausible…

The prosecution’s witnesses had testified Wednesday and Thursday that Schutz, who is charged with disorderly conduct, had initiated physical contact by shoving one of the cousins on her way out. They denied ever choking Schutz, and only one woman said she had punched Schutz, after Schutz grabbed her hand and refused to let go. [SydneyMorningHerald]

Jesus Christ, can you imagine how much taxpayer money we wasted trying to find the culprit in the Great Screech/Casey Smet’s Cousins Bar Battle of 2014, which left zero people seriously injured? I miss trial by combat.

Of course, this was a separate bar incident from another bar that same day, where Screech allegedly tried to Smirnoff Ice a guy, and then said “Don’t make me stab someone on Christmas” when the guy didn’t drink it. To be fair, when Screech ices you, you chug. What are you, a bitch? It’s Christmas. Talk about un-bro-derly conduct.

In any case, I wish Screech luck on being able to rehabilitate himself in jail, by which I mean I hope he gets Dirty Sanchez‘d in there twice a day.