If there’s a down-and-out attractive girl in the news, you can bet there’ll be a porn company publicly offering her a job within the week. It’s a win-win for them. She either accepts, in which case, woohoo, more porn; or declines, in which case you still get free advertising for your site. So it is with YouPorn today and disgraced uninhibited former Miss Delaware Teen USA Melissa M. King. YouPorn has publicly offered her a contract worth $250,000. The twist this time? It wouldn’t actually require her to do porn. Whaaa?
Here’s the open letter, via TMZ:
My name is Brandon Burns and I am the Marketing Director for Youporn.com. We are the largest adult site on the internet and one of the top websites in the world averaging over 15 million visitors a day. While you may have surrendered your tiara for Miss Teen USA, we’d like to keep that pretty head of yours topped with ours, and name you Miss Youporn!
Does he mean he wants her to wear his head on top of hers, or his tiara on top of her head? You never know when these porn guys are using poor grammar or just being kinky.
We’d like to offer you a compensation package of over $250,000 this year to go across the world and promote our site. We believe your incredible beauty and personality coupled with our internet traffic is a “win win” for both of us.
We believe this story will only catapult your career and could really expose you to an entirely different audience. Many famous directors and producers frequent our site daily, we know this due to the emails we receive from them. I am sure through your travels with us as Miss Youporn, you will meet a lot of incredible people and see the world. We’d love to sit down with you and your representatives at your earliest
convenience. Please email me at braden@youporn.com.
Again, strangely, the offer doesn’t appear to involve actually doing any sex on camera. Unless there’s some sick new UrbanDictionary definition of “tiara” that I’m not aware of. Anyway, if, as Miss Teen Delaware USA, Melissa King was expected to make appearances at state fairs and christen charity dunking booths, God only knows the kind of events she’d be getting invited to as Miss YouPorn. Would she cut the ribbon on Joe Francis’s latest sex trial? Break ground on new locations of Sunset Tan?
But on a serious note, Melissa King is apparently a scholar, a competitive gymnast, and an artist, which is all pretty impressive considering she was a foster kid from the age of 12 to 18. So yeah, this porn thing will probably prevent her from working for a fashion magazine or become a sideline reporter like she said she wanted to, but those are lame rom-com jobs anyway. It doesn’t mean she’s limited to becoming Miss YouPorn. There are as many potential sideline reporters as there are pretty girls. What society’s actually pretty short on are intelligent people willing to break sexual taboos and report back on it for the vicarious thrill of us normals. Maybe try to explore this experience in an honest way instead of pretending it didn’t happen? I mean, it worked for Diablo Cody.
Anyway, just a thought. What do you think, fellow Delaware resident Joe Biden?
My name is Brandon Burns…
Our name grows more powerful by the day.
Lanisters always pay their debts. What do Burnseseses do?
Ruin teenage girls lives….
Is he the Stan Van Gundy to your Jeff Van Gundy?
Brandon Burns has gone by Braden ever since college. After breaking up with his high school gf he decided to reinvent himself only to find he only was good looking enough to bang total sluts. Hence his career path. While he is not directly related to Ashley, they share a 3rd cousin named Monica (also a slut).
You would know all this if you signed up for the BurnsyFan Newsletter.
I tried signing up for that news letter but it just keeps sending me photos of Vince’s dick.
She officially jumps to the top of the list of things that people know about Delaware.
1. Miss Delaware Porn Star
2. Joe Biden
3. Aubrey Plaza is from there
4. Credit Card companies
[www.youtube.com]
Delaware is also the birthplace of some of America’s most celebrated thespians, such as Judge Reinhold, Valerie Bertinelli, and legendary martial arts/acting double threat Cynthia Rothrock. Duh.
Download this video from:
[bit.ly]
I find it amazing that YouPorn gets 15 million hits a day. I’ve never been to the site. I’m a fapdu, spankwire, slutload guy.
YouPorn and Spankwire are both Pornhub network sites. He’s probably aggregating hits.
I can think of a few vinyards that would love to put those feet to work.
She should find out a way to do porn that also benefits foster kids. Maybe every time you watch one of her videos and get off, you’re guilted into donating money to some charity because this is the only job she can do now.
And we shall place a crown of jizz upon your head and you shall be Delawarius Pornborn, mother of trousersnakes.
What a liar.
Xvideo is number 1 in the US for porn, and no. 45 overall on Alexa.
She should be slut-celebrated, not slut-shamed. I’m pretty sure this is a civil rights issue.
I bet she gives a foot-job like Forrest Gump runs.
Did anyone watch the vid? Yaaaaaawn. Not surprised he didn’t mention her having sex again.
What did you expect it was her first time on camera. Gotta give the girl some time. What did Dustin Hoffman blow the doors off his first time onstage?
She did not look like she was enjoying herself.
It takes a certain type of chick to be comfortable and have fun while her cervix is getting slammed repeatedly.
You should see the letter they’re sending Ratzinger now that he lost his title.
“We hereby offer to declare you the Vicar of Peters, the Pontifucks Maximus, Patriarch of the West San Fernando Valley, Successor of the Ron Jeremy of the Apostles, Bishop of Choad, Servant of the Servants of Knob, His Holefiller the Pope of YouPorn”
I’ve found the porn selection on YouPope to be less than titillating.
Too much confessional roleplay over there.
“Kneel down and give me fifteen minutes of silent worship, then grab the beads and say twenty Our Father Issues.
Saw the video, she seems like one of those girls who has a long list of “oh I don’t do that”s. Once again I find myself rooting for the transformative power of meth.
Strange, I thought Miss Youporn was a sub-genre of porn set to Rolling Stones music.
Just download it from this link:
[ultramegabit.com]
Her clit must be humongous…
my best friend’s mother makes $62 every hour on the internet. She has been without a job for 7 months but last month her check was $14352 just working on the internet for a few hours. Here’s the site to read more, [xurl.es]
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