I lurved Seven Psychopaths. Like legit loved, the sort of love they can use on a poster, and hey lookit, they did just that!
If you squint real hard you can make out my name, I AM DRUNK WITH POWER.
Now, normally I eschew all things hyperbolic (except chambers for old people) but in this case I was happy to be used. To be of service, to throw these fellas a hand, to give my mouth up for their advancement, much like most of Vince’s female relatives (not you, Aunt Sue). This is the rare case where I wanna televangelize, like Billy Graham when he gets off on one of his rants about baby Jesus smotin’ people, except mine would be more of recommendation, and that recommendation would be for you to see Seven Psychopaths in theaters this weekend. Take a crazy buddy who just got out of the joint, or a girlfriend who seems “hip,” or a baby puppy who you can’t leave alone for more than an hour because he pees everywhere like a broken water pump.
Still not convinced?
Okay, let’s break this one down, the same as we did for Looper (SEE? I NO STEER YOU WRONG).
*Don’t worry, I won’t be spoiling anything, because it’s my hope folks will see this one fresh, and unspoiled, like Merry and Pippin when the Orcs kidnapped them.
Cool Hat, Bro
Not enough people wear goofy hats in movies anymore. It seems like such a lay-up, if you’re an aspiring director just call up the wardrobe department and ask for all the redonk hats they have, then coast to a Best Picture victory. Remember that King’s Speech hat scene? So silly, right? Thankfully, Sam Rockwell crushes a foolish hat as if he were Jewel and you were tearing him/her apart. In this case, respect the player, the game, the hat, and that Jewel video.
This is the best impression of Christopher Walken you’ve ever seen.
And it comes from the man himself! There’s always been an in-joke with Walken, whether you’re watching him read his cue cards on “SNL” or seeing him slice up a scene in True Romance, you always get the impression that he’s charming enough to take whatever job he feels like that day, the one that also allows him to be the most Walken-y.
Walken, like Matt McConaughey, is always his essential self, and that self is compelling. Amiright, Ladies of Tampa?
The Cursing is Done Right
One of the characters is an alcoholic, and most of the others are psychopaths, and they all really throw around the salty language on the reg. There’s something about a well-placed F bomb that informs comedy, The Big Lebowski and In the Loop are solid examples of films that earn an R rating and comedy respect for the language usage alone. Very quotable.
Music Choices that Enhance the Film
The film starts with “Angel of Death” from Hank Williams:
That sets the mood, yeah? Somewhere between O Brother Where Art Thou? and Quentin Tarantino. But there are solid tracks from The Walkmen and Deer Tick as well, plus the original version of “The First Cut is the Deepest” (written by Cat Stevens).
Okay, you’re right, she wouldn’t make it past round one of “The Voice” because XTINA would veto her. Still, here’s the whole track listing, you’ll notice that Carter Burwell scores the whole she-bang, evidently he’s still trying to gain back all the cool points vaporized by Twilight.
Violence, Sweet Cathartic Violence
I started counting the amount of bodies, but once I got past ten I stopped due to finger scarcity. Woody Harrelson plays a mean mobster, Sam Rockwell is a plain ol’ lunatic, and a couple of guys from “Boardwalk Empire” make appearances. There are explosions, tears, and the mournful lamenting of women can be heard across Joshua Tree.
So yeah, it’s like the better parts of a “Manswers” episode.
Precious Has a Part to Play
I’m not sure if these guys listen to The Frotcast, but if they do, they owe someone royalties. There is zero context in which placing “Precious: The Novel By Sapphire” into a scene makes it less funny. That was like a quadruple negative, but I refuse to retract, pass the duppy, mon. OSCAR NOMINEE Gabourey Sidibe is on fire, NBA JAMZ style, and you’ll enjoy her work here.
Bonny the ShihTzu
Weird aside, I got to pet this dog at TIFF, and she was massively chill. You’d think she’d be more freaked out, because I was a total stranger, but she just laid there and accepted all my pets like a true Hollywood pro. If only co-star Olga Kurylenko would have been as accommodating. Ahem.
Also awesome? She plays a male dog in the movie. That’s Swank-level range, and Bonny ain’t care. Is there a Best Dog award? If not, I start one, and I nominate Bonny and the dog that waited for Richard Gere at the train station for a billion years.