Friday Conversation: What’s The Most Attractive TV Or Film Cast Of All-Time?

Last week gave us the finale of True Detective season two, and the whole time I couldn’t decide who I’d rather elope to Venezuela with, Rachel McAdams or Kelly Reilly (or Tim Riggins or Colin Farrell). Then this week, I saw The Man From U.N.C.L.E., featuring the one-two punch of actors-so-attractive-they-should-only-play-aliens, Henry Cavill and Alicia Vikander (Armie Hammer’s okay, too, I guess).

Which led me to this week’s Friday Conversation: If you could choose the entire cast of just one movie or TV show to have sex with (yes, you have to have sex with all of them), which would it be?

Steve Bramucci

I’m sticking with the greatest movie ever and selecting Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. That nets me absolute peak Katherine Ross. Have you seen her? Plus, I get just off-peak Paul Newman (handsomest man this side of Idris Elba), and Robert Redford. There’s a lack of women in the movie, but Katherine Ross and the one whorehouse scene should carry me.

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Dan Seitz

Firefly, no question. The least believeable aspect in a show about space cowboys and psychic assassins is that anybody in the cast ever had trouble getting any. Suuuuure, Mal and Kaylee weren’t knee-deep in the genitals of their choice. Whatever, Joss.

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Heather Dockray

I couldn’t be more ashamed to write this, but Girl, Interrupted. Winona Ryder and Angelina Jolie with that terrible/wonderful bleached blonde hair. Plus: Clea Duvall, Brittany Murphy, Whoopi Goldberg during her Sister Act days. I’m gay to the bone, but I suppose I could give Jared Leto a handjob, and Jeffrey Tambor seems like a very nice man.

Jaime Frevele

It might seem incredibly geeky and predictable, but I have thought at length about having sex with the entire cast of Star Trek Into Darkness. There is not one person in that cast that I would not want to put my hands all over, especially Chris Pine. Not because he’s Chris Pine, but because he’s such a good Jim Kirk. I would sex him until he wept. And the bromance between him and Zachary Quinto? Please, let me be the peanut butter cream filling in that Spork sandwich cookie. And then dunk me in that tall glass of Cumberbatch. I don’t have any real desire to go into space, but, if I was in the toned, ready arms of the Enterprise crew, I’d go on a five-year mission anywhere. And if Zoe Saldana wants to whisper filthy, sweet nothings in my ear in Klingon or any alien tongue of her choice, I would not complain.

Josh Kurp

As someone who’s seen The Girl Next Door more times than they’d like to admit, my answer is Happy Endings, which has the benefit of starring Elisa Cuthbert, but not Emile Hirsch (although Timothy Olyphant is tempting…). I can even imagine what it would look like if I Photoshopped myself into that promo image of the entire cast in the same bed. I’d put myself between Dave and Alex, then shove Dave off the bed. #BringBackHappyEndings

Ashley Burns

Archer. Yes, all of the characters are animated and don’t actually exist in reality, but good golly, miss Molly, that’s a gang of spies so endlessly horny and perverse that you can’t help but be curious about them all. That includes Malory, and if we’re talking some sort of initiation-style gauntlet, then I guess Woodhouse would qualify, too. Look, I was told this would be a judgement-free zone, so you can shake your heads in disgust at me all you want, but I don’t care. I know I’m not the only blue-blooded male out there with a crush on Lana, Cheryl and even (and possibly especially) Pam, so if we’re setting sail on a one-way journey to Freak Island and there’s absolutely no turning back, it’s the cast of Archer that I’m taking with me. Although, if legend is correct, Cyril better be gentle. Also, Katya needs to wash her robot lady parts in my sink, because I don’t know where Barry and that other KGB agent have been these days.

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Vince Mancini

Are you kidding? No one picked American Hustle? There is no answer more obvious than American Hustle. Now, obviously I didn’t look at any celebrities’ hacked pictures that leaked last year because that would be wrong, but hypothetically speaking, if I had, Jennifer Lawrence would only have gotten more perfect in my eyes. She is just… so magnificent. I would duel Chris Martin. And in this movie you get J-Law PLUS Amy Adams vamping around in amazing outfits, and Elizabeth Röhm in a supporting role.

Now, if I was choosing men, obviously Tom Hardy, Henry Cavill, Clive Owen would be at the top of my list. Unfortunately there’s no movie where they star opposite Jennifer Lawrence, Alicia Vikander, and Alexandra Daddario. But hey, you could do a lot worse than Bradley Cooper, Christian Bale, and Jeremy Renner.


Okay, so who’s yours?