PREPARE THE CAT-MONKEYS: James Cameron to shoot three Avatar sequels simultaneously

If you thought the blue cat-monkeys who ponytail f*ck their pterodactyl horses were through teaching us about living in harmony with nature, you’re sorely mistaken. Fox announced today that deep-sea explorer James Cameron will be shooting THREE Avatar sequels simultaneously. He’ll accomplish this using a camera capable of shooting in four dimensions that Cameron invented specifically for the task. He is a great man.

From Variety:

Cameron has hired screenwriters JoshFriedman (“War of the Worlds”), Rick Jaffa & Amanda Silver (“Rise of the Planets of the Apes”), and Shane Salerno (“Savages,” “Salinger”) to collaborate with him on the screenplays for “Avatar 2,” [which we previously heard would involve underwater motion capture] “Avatar 3″ and “Avatar 4.”

The three tentpoles will be filmed simultaneously with production beginning next year.  The release of the first sequel will be in December 2016, with the second to follow in December 2017 and the third a year later.

But what new worlds will the corporate plutocracy destroy next to slake their unquenching thirst for unobtanium??! I thought we discovered that the only way to defeat corporate greed was renounce your citizenship, dock ponytails with a space chick, and bury yourself under a giant tree. No matter, I just hope that when Toruk Makto travels to a new world to protect it from Giovanni Ribisi, it turns out to be a bitchin’ place with purple elephants and topless alien babes riding dolphin jetskis. And that Michelle Rodriguez has to paint her face and die again for some reason.