Senior Editor
11.05.09 25 Comments

(Meet Retard Pig, Chief of Board Game Property Acquisitions at Sony)

Amazing.  After View-Master, Battleship, Candyland, and Monopoly were bought as movie properties, you’d think the people involved would be tarred, feathered, and exiled to Dr. Moreau’s Island O’ Dipsh-ts.  But this is Hollywood, so instead everyone copied them.  Like Sony, who just bought Risk, the game of world domination.

Property, which pits players against one another in a quest to annex all of the world’s territories, has become desirable thanks to the box office success of the Paramount adaptations of Hasbro’s Transformers and G.I. Joe.

Risk is like Transformers because…. uh… they’re both toys?  Kids play with them both?  By that logic, my penis is a video game.

“The strategic thinking and the tactical gambles that players must take in the game are what make Risk a classic, thoroughly engaging game,” said Columbia prexy Doug Belgrad. “Those elements translated into an action-packed, thrilling story are what will make this a uniquely exciting movie.” [Variety]

Here, I’ve got something for you to option.  It’s the word “adventure.”  This is a proven property that’s sure to be a great movie, all you have to do is write it.

Optioning board games as movie properties is the most idiotic trend since the Easter Island natives cut down all their trees to make giant head statues and had to eat each other.

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