This week in This Week In Posters, we begin with Blindspotting, which is basically a visual explanation of the title. Very cool. I’m assuming the film is just a montage of a bunch of these? Wait, no, it seems to have actors and stuff. I guess it’s, like, a metaphor or whatever.
I can’t really tell what she’s holding, but that’s a strong tagline. Is this a Bad Moms spinoff? I can’t tell what’s part of the Bad Moms expanded cinematic universe anymore.
Christopher Robin… Winnie the Pooh… a briefcase… wait, I think I’ve got it! It’s about Winnie The Pooh showing up in now-grown Christopher Robin’s life to create havoc. Kind of a reverse Drop Dead Fred situation. Or actually, I guess that would just be a regular Drop Dead Fred situation.
“A working-class family man, Christopher Robin, encounters his childhood friend Winnie-the-Pooh, who helps him to rediscover the joys of life.” [IMDb]
Ooh, do you think Christopher Robin is a workaholic, and Pooh teaches him to lighten up? I’m picturing Pooh throwing Christopher Robin’s Blackberry into a body of water while Christopher Robin yells “My whole life was in there!”
Anyway, good poster. We got all of that from a simple image. Also, be advised, Christopher Robin and Goodbye Christopher Robin are two different movies.
Okay, I’m intrigued. I like that “V”s are the devil and “T”s are crucifixes. One interesting note: I’m so used to meaningless and nonsensical horror movie taglines (“Inspired by true events!”) that I had to check IMDb to see if “the real thing” actually meant it was a documentary. Apparently, in this case it does.
This batch of Ghost Stories posters is truly inspired. Who knew you could do this much with the giant eyeball horror cliché?
This might be the weakest of these, but it’s still decent. Odd framing counts for a lot. It’s still weird to me that “Whitehouse” is a last name.
Are those trees in the background of eyeball veins? You decide.
Ah, more antlers. Antlers are good. They really tie a horror movie poster together.
Most of these posters take a flat image and tilt it sideways to create movement, this one just uses depth of field and it looks much cooler. No clue what it’s about though.
Is the Grinch having sex with that dog? Anyway, if you can’t reboot an animated film as live action, reboot a live-action film as animation, I always say. Whenever I see Grinch stuff now all I can think about is how Jim Carrey gave the makeup artist a nervous breakdown.
Is that EPCOT? Is this movie about spheres? Who’s the shirtless guy who looks like a young John Krasinski? I’m left with many questions.
I normally hate the “heads inside of words” style posters, but I think it works for Hurricane Heist. Only fitting that a movie about shit flying everywhere would have a poster full of shit flying everywhere.
Kings? More like the Kings of Sleepytime, am I right? Anyway, pretty bold to have Halle Berry and Daniel Craig in the movie and not put them in the poster.
Wrestling mask, swastika-face guy… lot going on in this poster. Also, is that… William Forsythe as Scarface at the bottom there? He already played Jake LaMotta, so maybe this is a thing for him now, like a cinematic tribute band. Unless it’s just a guy made up to look like William Forsythe as Scarface, which would be next level. What are the chances of this actually being a “worthy successor to Pulp Fiction?”
Speaking of shit flying everywhere, here are some Pacific Rim: Uprising posters. Are the skyscrapers built on a mountain range? What is the horizon line here?
This is like a visual representation of those “schwing” sound effects from that Robert Palmer song. (This might be my oldest reference.)
Ooh, is this the gazelle bot? This one looks graceful. Who wants to bet this robot has a pretty lady driving it?
This makes me wish there was an S&M version of Pacific Rim. Pacific Rimjob, say.
“If they hear you, they hunt you.” So in other words… don’t breathe?
Holy sh*t, is that a giant mutant crocodile with boar tusks? Bitchin.
Lot of work out there for the CGI guy who specializes in skyscrapers with chunks removed these days.
Oh man, is this a whole series of character posters dedicated to fabulous dogs? It must be my lucky day.
Well this tagline really wrote itself, didn’t it? I also love that Gabriel Iglesias has taken to using his most famous bit (which is kind of just a ripoff of Cartman, but whatever) as a nickname, which feels like a new level of desperation. All comedians should have to do this. Jim “Hot Pockets” Gaffigan. Dane “Itchy Asshole” Cook. Jerry “Have you seen this? Have you heard about this?” Seinfeld.
I just want to see dogs doing stupid stuff and I feel like this movie is going to be too contrived. I need authenticity in my dog comedy. Dog in a sweatshirt with human hands? Gold. CGI cucumbers? Not so much.
This picture is so unrecognizable as Natasha Lyonne that at first I thought she was the voice of the dog. That would be great if they had just listed the voice of the dog and ignored the human actress.
“Agent Chew Toy.” I admit, I don’t even get this one. Is that a play on words?
Yes. Ludacris as a badass rottweiler in aviator shades is what I’m here for.
“Barkilicious?” Come on, man, Fur-galicious was right there. At least we know Natasha Lyonne isn’t playing the dog now.
Here is the first of a big batch of Sorry To Bother You posters, all of which are pretty strong. Poster-wise, it feels like the black Free Fire.
Aw come on, I want to know what his shirt says. I guess this is a tease.
Phew, I’m so much more comfortable with Armie Hammer playing a tool than a sex symbol, so this is nice.
So the other guy I don’t even get to read his shirt, but Tessa Thompson gets earrings with full sentences?
Is there someplace I can buy these shirts?
Well at least we can read Danny Glover’s shirt, that’s nice.
Is Tery Crews holding… a giant crucifix? What is that?
Jeez, the movie has a great cast, we get it already. I would bet the house on Lakeith Stanfield winning an Oscar in the next 10-15 years.
Here’s a poster for Strangers Prey At Night, or as I liked to call it, The Purge: The Day The Clowns Died.
Does anyone else get incredibly depressed about the prospect of a Tomb Raider reboot? I understand that name recognition counts for a lot, but… is a crappy video game from the ’90s and a crappy franchise from the early aughts really that valuable of a name? WHERE DOES IT END, PEOPLE?