FilmDrunk

STEVEN SEAGAL HAS YOU RIGHT WHERE HE WANTS YOU

I SENSE YOU ARE IN GREAT DANGER, MR. COUTURE.  IT IS ALL GOING ACCORDING TO PLAN.  YOU SHALL SOON FACE THE WRATH OF MY PROTEGE, MACHIDA-KUN.  I HAVE TAUGHT HIM MANY OF MY TRICKS, SUCH AS “PUNCHES”, “KNEES”, “KICKS”, AND “GROPES,” SECRET MANEUVERS KNOWN ONLY TO ME, ANDERSON SILVA-SAN, BOBBY LUPO, MACHIDA-KUN, AND A GROUP OF 5TH CENTURY JAPANESE MONKS OR PERHAPS THEY WERE 12TH CENTURY SIBERIAN MONKS.  BECAUSE OF HIS TRAINING, MACHIDA-KUN IS ENTERING A STAGE MOST DANGEROUS. HE HAS BEEN SUBSISTING SOLELY ON URINE AND 100% FRUIT JUICE STEVEN SEAGAL ENERGY DRINKS FOR THE PAST SEVEN DAYS OR POSSIBLY MONTHS AND HE IS HUNGRY LIKE THE TIGER.  THE ANCIENT SAMURAI SAY MAN CANNOT DEFEAT TIGER FOR TIGER HAS UNIQUE PHYSIOLOGICAL REACTION TO FIGHTING.  I ASSURE YOU I HAVE POURED EVERYTHING INTO MACHIDA-KUN’S TRAINING AND I HAVE AT MY DISPOSAL THE FISTS OF A NINJA, THE SOUL OF A BLUES MUSICIAN, A JAMAICAN’S HUNGER FOR THE POONANI, THE BADGE OF A LAWMAN, AND THE KIMONO OF A BIG AND TALL STORE.  YOU CAN NEVER DEFEAT MACHIDA-KUN.  LAY DOWN YOUR WRIST BANDS AND WALK AWAY WHILE YOUR HONOR IS STILL INTACT OR ELSE MACHIDA-KUN WILL BE FORCED TO THRASH YOU.

[Thanks to GroundFighter for the tip]

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