Steven Seagal Teaches UFC Champions How to Fight, Part 2

Senior Editor
11.15.10 17 Comments

Steven Seagal sure is staying busy.  No, to my knowledge, he’s not making a movie, but he did recently show up on Brazilian television (via CagePotato), this time giving advice to UFC light heavyweight Lyoto Machida, who lost his title to Shogun Rua back in May and is scheduled to fight Rampage Jackson this weekend.  And if his last instruction to Anderson Silva fell on deaf ears (come on, Anderson, where are the eye gouges? The karate chops to the spine?), perhaps he thought he’d have better luck with the superstitious karate guy who drinks his own pee. Either that, or Brazilian TV producers finally figured out what American ones have long known: Steven Seagal is pure gold.

If Steven Seagal is at all aware of the absurdity of an overweight, 58-year-old* B-movie star** giving a former UFC champion tips on how to fight, he gives us no indication of that.  Do you think he even knows what MMA is?  He said something about “Shogun”, but I’m inclined to believe he was referring to the actual Japanese emperor.  One thing is for certain: the man believes in himself.  This is like Tom Cruise training CIA agents.

No, I'm not being cute, that's actually pee

Here were of my favorite quotes from the video:

“When you look at Shogun, he’s coming in like this.  Step to the side.  F*ck up his game.  Come here.  Now you f*ck him up.”

“But sometimes it’s good, when you first start to fight, to come out, and dominate him.”

(demonstrating back fist) “You whip him!”

“Don’t put yourself in a position where you’re wrestling with anyone. Ever. You’re cutting, with your punches, you’re cutting and you’re puncturing…you don’t want. …No want. Don’t waste your time. Get rid of him.”

*with an allegedly unique physiological response to arousal

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