09.23.08 10 years ago 56 Comments

Since yesterday’s post about Steven Seagal’s trip to Best Buy, in which he seemed to rouse from hibernation just long enough to promote his new energy drink, many of you have been clamoring for more information. Okay, I made that up. Still, thanks to FilmDrunkard AJ, we now know a little more about “Steven Seagal’s Lightning Bolt” [Ew?]. We know, for instance, that it’s the first energy drink made from 100% juice, and that one of the flavors is, I shit you not, “Asian Experience”. From AgonyBooth‘s perhaps overly detailed review:

“100% juice” might be short-selling it. It appears to be roughly 300-400% juice. Somehow, Steven Seagal has found a way to put a gallon of juice into a 16 oz can.
I didn’t know quite what I had just tasted, but my mind immediately painted a picture of someone going into a supermarket, opening every can in the canned fruit aisle, pouring all the various syrups into one 16-oz container, and hoping for the best. It was like an evil punch made from fruits that had no business ever knowing each other.
I probably should have poured the stuff into a glass. At the very least, I could have seen what color it was. But on the other hand, I’m probably better off not knowing. (For the record, the residue around the lip of the can is a putrid shade of yellow.)

The article goes on to describe the reviewer’s separate thoughts after each of fourteen sips. Long story short, it doesn’t taste good. And in fact, the reviewer claims it actually made him sleepy. Reached for comment, Seagal pawed angrily at the phone and scratched his back against a small tree.

UPDATE: No update, really, just didn’t want that Nick and Norah video so close to the top of the page

Around The Web